Missing Streams

Can't Say Goodnight - 17

Hey James, sorry you're reading this.

The words darted across my mind as I jumped from my bed.

I'll make this quick, because suicide notes aren't supposed to be too long.

I wake Simon up, tell him to get help. He seems to understand, and I think of what to do next.

I'm going to kill myself, but this time it's going to work. You might ask yourself why I'm doing this, so I'll tell you here.

I run for the door. Simon runs for help. People start waking up around us.

My mother made that cut on my cheek, made me half deaf, and destroyed my uterus. My father had my leg amputated and beat me endlessly. When I was six years old my twin sister died in a house fire. So much has happened to me, but everything else on my body is of my own doing. You've probably guessed that by now.

Try not to slip in a puddle of water.

I've also been living on the streets with my two friends, Sam and Max.

Run through the door, can't feel the pain that must be happening.

Don't feel bad about anything, it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm going to a better place now, and I just ask you don't follow me.

Throw open the stall door, freeze instantly.

This is Scarlet, in case you didn't figure it out. Please don't go into the shower room.

Scarlet was sitting cross legged in the shower, shirt and pants stained with fresh blood. She was smiling, and it wasn't the kind of smile you'd think to see on someone who had just attempted suicide. I didn't expect it, anyways. She just looked so genuinely happy, as if she had just gotten a new job or finished an exam with flying colours.

A bloodstained knife lay in a puddle of blood next to her, and I stared at what I couldn't ignore. Her arms had been sliced open with a very obvious goal. Scarlet was just... covered in blood. I was so caught up in everything I almost missed something.

Scarlet was breathing. Just barely, but still bleeding. She wasn't gone yet.

I hoped Simon had gotten help fast enough. Kneeling down in the pooling blood, I pressed both my hands on her right arm. Something - anything - in hopes that I could save her. I didn't know what I was even doing, it was automatic.

But Scarlet didn't stop breathing, so maybe it was working.

***

I took in short, fast breaths as I tried to calm myself. It wasn't working. At least I had stopped crying. For now, anyways.

"Come on buddy, it's gonna be okay." Simon held me in a tight hug, "She'll be fine, I promise."

But he couldn't promise that. Neither could the doctors who were desperately trying to stitch her back up. Nor the nurses working to pump her full of blood in some attempt to save her. No one could promise I'd ever see her smile again. That I'd never hear her laugh or call me an idiot ever again.

Without anything to say aloud, I just cried into Simon's shoulder as I lost myself again. He wasn't okay either, but he was keeping it together better than I was. He probably knew I needed a crutch to lean on.

***

Simon couldn't bear to come to the hospital wing with me, saying he needed time before visiting Scarlet. I couldn't bear to wait another moment, for I knew she was alive. As much as I hadn't known her for that long yet, I couldn't even imagine her being dead.