Missing Streams

This Isn't Goodbye - 18

"I've always wanted to die." Scarlet said, her words twirling into masterpieces in the night air, "Even as a kid, it was in the back of my mind. How I never asked for any of this and I didn't want this. I have to go out of my way and create meaning just so I don't-"

"Slit your wrists." I chuckled, getting used to her sense of humor.

"Exactly." Scarlet laughed, raising her hand as if she were trying to touch the stars, "It's like when I was being built, they forgot to install the will to live. Life.exe is not responding, but we are unable to terminate the program." She cracked up at her own joke, her laughter filling the atmosphere.

"What about Violet?" I mused, the night air filling my lungs with a sense of energy, "Was she like that?"

Scarlet shook her head, "She was my fraternal twin, so we were still different. I couldn't say what she'd be like these days, but I knew that on a chemical level we were very different."

I nodded, "What about family life?"

"At the beginning, they treated us the same. But as time went on, I was the more troublesome one. More trouble meant more punishment." Scar frowned, "Violet felt bad about it, and she'd try to make me feel better. It only got worse after she left."

"What's the difference between your chemical issues and your real life issues?"

"They blend together and make each other worse, so it's hard to draw a line." Scar seemed to be thinking harder than usual, "I suppose the best example was me trying to kill myself. When I'm on my meds I only have to deal with the real life stuff. Without my meds, everything doubles up and I do shit like that."

I laughed, "I don't think attempting suicide can be categorized under shit like that."

"Hey, I do shit like that all the time!" Scarlet snickered, then took a deep breath, "What about you?"

"What?" I frowned.

"What's your family life like? You've never talked about it."

"Huh. I guess so." I shrugged, "I have my dad and my younger sister. Her name is Sara. Mom died giving birth to Sara, so the three of us were left."

"I have a feeling your life was good." Scarlet smiled.

"Yeah, it was. Still is, with you and Simon here."

Scar smiled, "Don't get too sappy, now."

***

I was fast asleep when someone was shaking me awake. My eyes flew open as I sat up in panic, only to see a smiling face. Sara was laughing at me, and signed to me, "Time to wake up, James!"

I smiled and signed back to her, "Sure thing, sis."

"Dad made pancakes for breakfast. Come get some before I eat them all!" With little more than a grin, Sara was gone. Forgoing changing out of my pajamas, I jumped out of bed to follow.

Jumping down the stairs and running into the kitchen, I saw a plate of pancakes waiting for me. They were just how I liked them - absolutely plain. Nothing to make me throw up later.

"Hey, kiddo!" Dad laughed as he turned around to smile at me, "Good to see you're awake."

I laughed when I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked over and saw bright pink slippers in the corner of my eye, and realized Simon must have slept over, "Simon! I-"

Simon's grip tightened and swung me around, holding me still as I was forced to stare at him. Or what was left of him, at least. His jaw was torn to shreds as blood dripped from his mouth, covering his light blue pajamas with dark brown stains. His eyes were bloodshot and bulging out of his skull, and yet they stared at me with an intensity I had never seen before.

"Look at what you've done." He spoke from behind his disfigured teeth, spewing blood with every syllable, "You promised me we'd go together. That I wouldn't be alone. I should have known you'd be a fucking pussy. You can't do anything, even when your bestfriend shows you their loaded gun. Pointing right at their skull."

I suddenly fell over, apparently released from his grip. Tears streamed down my face as I cried, my vocal cords straining as I tried to scream at him. All that came out was a whimper as I fell down and covered my face with my hands. All I could see now was the blood that covered my skin as I tried to pull out my own scalp.

***

Someone else was shaking me awake, now. I opened my eyes, terrified of what I might see. What I did see was regular old Simon looking down at me with a worried look, "James? Are you-"

I wrapped my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder, "Oh my god. Simon, I'm so glad you're here."

"Of course I'd be here, buddy." Simon laughed, hugging me back even though he was clearly confused, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I... I..." I let out another sob, unable to speak.

"Hey, come on, it's okay." Simon smiled at me, pulling out of the hug slightly, "You woke me up since you were crying in your sleep. What happened?"

Still unable to talk about it, I just hugged him again. His shirt was probably soaked, but I couldn't help it. Simon didn't complain, just holding me close instead.

***

Once I had finally calmed myself down, I was able to collect myself. Simon and I were sitting in the locker room, and his arm was still wrapped over my shoulder, "So, what happened? What turned you into a big baby?"

I laughed, wiping a few tears from my cheek, "I had a dream. Nightmare, I guess. I know it's stupid kid stuff, but it really freaked me out."

"Hey, that's not stupid kid stuff." Simon grinned and messed up my hair, "Now tell me what happened then we'll check under your bed so we know there's no monster chasing you."

"I dreamt that I was back at home, just having pancakes for breakfast and whatever. But then you showed up and..." I swallowed hard.

"What's I do?" Simon wasn't joking around anymore, urging me to continue.

"You had killed yourself. Your jaw was blown up and everything. It was..." I couldn't continue, crying all over again.

"Well I didn't kill myself, remember?" Simon pulled me into a tight hug, "You got me into the hospital and everything's okay now. Don't worry about it, buddy."

"I just wouldn't be able to live without you."

"Same here, buddy. And don't worry, because I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled through the snot and tears, "And neither will I."