I'M MARRIED TO A STRANGER (UNDER REVISION)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28
Lover's Quarrel

Arianne Shawna's POV:

After a long day that I have been. I decided to soak myself in the warm water of my tub. I want to relax myself. Naiistress ako sa mga nangyayari sa akin.

Sabi nila mahirap daw yung sobrang saya kasi may kapalit na lungkot. Parang kanina lang masaya kami ni Brett tapos ngayon ewan ko kung anong nangyari sa amin.

Alam ko naman e ako may kasalanan why I am feeling this way. Natatakot ako. Natatakot akong sumugal at baka matalo ako wala ng matira sakin. Nasa process pa lang ako ng patuloy ng paghilom ng puso kong nasugatan. Tapos napasok ako dito sa sitwasyon namin ni Brett. Si Brett kasi paasa nakakainis. Ang gulo gulo niya. Pati tuloy ako naapektuhan.

Tinadtad ko ng scented candles ang bathroom ko para marelax ako. I need to breathe and unwind. Tapos nagbukas din ang stereo so that the music can overpower the thoughts inside my head.

Ngayon naka messy bun ang buhok ko I soak on the warm water. I was half lying on the tub hanggang dib dib ko ang tubig dahil nakaupo ako. Tinukod ko ang tuhod ko para mayakap ko ang sarili ko. Pinatong ko ang baba ko sa tuhod ko.

Then Ali Gatie's song played on the speakers.

"It's you, it's always you
If I'm ever gonna fall in love I know it's gon' be you
It's you, it's always you
Met a lot of people, but nobody feels like you"

"So , please, don't break my heart
Don't tear me apart
I know how it starts
Trust me, I've been broken before
Don't break me again
I am delicate
Please, don't break my heart
Trust me, I've been broken before"

"I've been broken, yeah
I know how it feels
To be open
And then find out your love isn't real
I'm still hurting, yeah
I'm hurting inside
I'm so scared to fall in love
But if it's you then I'll try"

I don't know but the song's lyrics struck me. Tamang tama e. It was like speaking what my heart wants to tell.

"I know I'm not the best at choosing lovers
We both know my past speaks for itself
(For itself)
If you don't think that we're right for each other (Baby, no)
Then, please, don't let history repeat itself"

"Cause  I want you (yeah, yeah), I want you (yeah, yeah)
There's nothing else I want
'Cause I want you (yeah, yeah), I want you (yeah, yeah)
And you're the only thing I want"

I really want to give Brett a chance. I want to give us a chance. I know in myself that if I will love again si Brett ang pipiliin kong mahalin. But somehow dahil sa ginagawa niya hindi maiiwasan na magkaroon ako ng pagaalinlangan. Natatakot ako. Ayako lang masaktan ulit.

Somehow I feel guilty sa ginawa ko kay Brett kanina. I am so confused right now. I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know either if tama ba ang ginawa ko kanina. But I know he must know what I feel. In order for this- whatever is this that we have to work we need to communicate.

Naalala ko na naman tuloy ang nangyari kanina.
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Nandito na kami sa tapat ng bahay namin pero hindi pa din ako bumababa. Parang wala kaming balak maghiwalay. Brett was playing with my hand.

"Saan ka nga pala nung nakaraan?" I asked him out of the blue.

"May show kami sa Las Vegas. Sorry I forgot to inform you, honey." He said napatingin naman ako sa kanya and he flashed me his boyish grin.

"I was running out of time and my manager's a nagger. My schedule is so tight because I have a lot of things to do. Sorry I didn't got to reach out to you." He continued. I just rolled my eyes at him. Bwiset! Kinikilig ako. Pero syempre pabebe muna tayo.

"Will you forgive this handsome man, Mrs Cabral? I promise to make it up to you." Malambing na sabi niya. OMG! Wait lang heart, be still. Baka mahalata ni Brett na tumataas na ang kilig levels sa katawan ko at magoverload at sumabog. Magulat pa siya.

"Pag-iisipan ko." Masungit na tugon ko and I bit my lips to supress a smile. Natawa naman si Brett kasi obvious na obvious na ata na joke lang yung sinabi ko. Hays. Ikaw na marupok Arianne Shawna.

Nawala naman ang ngiti ko when I realized something. Agad kong isinatinig ang ideyang pumasok sa isip ko.

"Mawawala ka ba ulit?" Mahinang tanong ko at tumingin ako sa labas ng bintana. Naramdaman ko naman ang dahang dahan na paghinto ng tawa niya.

Ayako man sirain ang magandang meron kami ngayon kaso natatakot na ko sa susunod na mangyayari. Ngayon magkasama kami tapos bigla na naman siyang hindi magpaparamdam. It was like he was only giving me a taste but never let it linger. Masakit na sandali lang ang lahat ng to. Ginugulo ni Brett masyado ang puso at isip ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung tama ba ito. Pero sino ba ko sa buhay niya? I'm just a girl he never knew and he instantly married. Tama ba na humiling ako ng panahon at atensyon mula sa kanya?

Nabalot kami ng katahimikan.

"Hey, look. I'm sorry, okay---" siya ang bumasag ng katahimikan pero agad kong pinutol iyon at saka binaling ang tingin sakanya. I look in his eyes.

"Ganito naman lagi ang ginagawa mo sakin Brett e. I know we barely knew each other but I am your wife just so you know. Do you think I deserve the treatment that I get from you? Gino ghost mo ako!--" simula ng paratang ko sakanya. I stopped when he opened up his mouth to try to say something but I instantly blocked him. 

"Let finish what I have to say first." I told him. He just nod his head and let me say what I have to say.

"You are here now but the next moment you are gone then suddenly you will pop up again out of nowhere then expect us to start where we left off. Anong akala mo sa akin a movie you start to binge watch then you can pause anytime that you will pee? You are confusing me. You promise me to help me forget and catch me when I fall but you are just dropping me like a hot potato!" I told him and then I don't know why my eyes start to get watery.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to feel that way. I'm sorry." Masuyong sabi niya.

"It's just that I've been busy with the upcoming album and the guesting and shows. I'm sorry wife. I swear I'll try to make it up to you." He said and he pulled me in his chest to hug me. The tears start to flow out of my eyes. He rub my back and kiss my hair. But I didn't hug him back.

Nung kumalma na ko kumalas na ko sa yakap niya. I wipe my tears away. I composed myself.

Sa totoo lang natatakot ako. I need assurance. Siguro lahat ng pumasok sa isang relasyon kailangan ng panghahawakan sa pinasok nila. Galing ako sa isang failed relationship. My ex boyfriend cheated on me before. Mahirap magtiwala. Mahirap lalo buoin ang nasirang tiwala.

I am not ready yet. I know that I am not ready to be in a relationship again. Dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Andrei. But here I am in a complicated relationship. I am married to a stranger at malabo pa ang status namin.

Brett ghosting me builds up insecurities and fears inside of me. I can't help but be paranoid. But still I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Umuwi ka na. Gusto ko na magpahinga. Salamat sa paghatid." Dire diretso kong sabi without any hint of emotion at walang sabi sabi akong bumaba sa sasakyan niya.