The Phantomhive Maid (A Black Butler/ Kuroshitsuji fanfic)

Chapter 4: Love?

I slept horrible last night and ended up being shook away by Finny. His room is right by mine and he ran in when he heard me screaming. The poor man scared my so badly I almost shot him. That's when he screamed.

A knock sounded at the door. "I would appreciate it if you two could stop screaming while the young master is still asleep," Sebastian sighed.

Finny ran out of my room and bowed to the butler. "I'm sorry I went into her room to wake her up because she was screaming and then I scared her so she pulled her gun out and I screamed." Finny explained desperately.

"Finny, I don't care just be silent," he sighed.

"Finny?" I asked sitting up on my bed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"I've been here for almost a month now," he said running his fingers through his scalp length blonde hair. "Bard was here about a week before I got here," he explained.

"And what about Sebastian?" I asked.

"I have been here for six months," he said "Now that you seem to be awake get dressed and help me prepare for Lady Elizabeth," he ordered. Finny's face lit up.

"Do, you really mean it? We actually get to meet the Master's fiancé?" he asked giddily.

"Yes and I want you all on your best behavior. Lady Elizabeth only sees you as servants. She has no knowledge that your assassins or genetic mutants or war heroes," he ordered.

"We'll be good! I swear!" Finny shook his head vigorously and followed Sebastian upstairs to the main level. I shut my door and dressed in my uniform. I secured my gun in it's holster and walked up the stairs.

I was told to make the foyer presentable which meant I had to scrub the floor again. Sebastian gave me the supplies but warned me that I would have to get them next time.

I sat on a towel so when I moved I would dry the floor. I rolled my sleeves up and began to scrub the floor.

----

Finny and Bard tried not to laugh as they watched Mey Rin as she grappled for the bush she dropped.

"She really is blind as a bat with those spectacles on her face," Finny laughed.

"Yeah, she's like a completely different person with those ridiculous spectacles and that silly voice. If someone came here looking for that intimidating woman with sharp eyes wearing men's clothing they would never know she was here." Bard smiled watching her fuss with the polishes. Finny left to finish grooming the trees and Bard when back to cooking the roast for lunch.

-----

I couldn't read the labels on the polishes. I couldn't tell which one was for the wood and which one was for the tile. I figured I had at least half a chance. I picked one randomly and polished the tile.

When I was just about to start on the banister Finny ran in After being scolded by Sebastian about ruining the trees. Finny hit the tile floor and slid right into the bucket of dirty soapy water spilling it all over the freshly polished floor.

Sebastian sighed loudly. "Both of you just go back to your rooms." he orders as he heard a loud boom from the kitchen. "You too Bard!" we all apologized and scurried down the stairs back to our living quarters.

Finny slumped against the wall. He put his head in his hands. "I feel awful! I just wanted to make the trees pretty for Master Ciel's fiancé. He saved me from those awful people and I ruined his trees!" Finny cried.

"Finny, don't cry. How were you supposed to know how to groom trees? You were stuck in a laboratory since you were a baby." Bard sighed putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"How did you guys get your jobs here?" I asked curiously.

"Well for generations the master's family has worked for the Queen. There was a rumor that there was illegal activity going on in this abandoned warehouse. Master Ciel was ordered to go check it out. He walked in on a routine test of my strength. The master and Mr. Sebastian saw me uproot a tree. All of the scientists started to run and leave me. I got scared and started throwing things at the master and Mr. Sebastian. Some of the chemicals the scientists were injecting me with mixed and caused an explosion. All of the scientists were killed and I was left alone. I was offered a position as a servant at the Phantomhive mansion and I took it. I have never felt so much admiration for one person in my life. I would gladly put my life on the line for Master Ciel any day." He cried.

"Oh, I'm not sure I would give the young master that much credit," I scoffed.

"That child has seen so much strife. I have been through a harsh war filled with so much blood shed. I lost every friend I had ever made and my fiancé was killed in an attach on Savannah Georgia, and I haven't seen half the pain of that child less than half my age," Bard sighed rubbing a hand over his ash covered face.

"What was your life like?" Finny asked.

"If it tells you anything, I've become numb to death," I answered.

"How, numb are you to death?" Bard asked.

"I could kill anyone, and I would feel nothing," I answered without meeting their eyes.

"So you mean to tell us that there is no one you love?" Finny asked.

"I was never trained to love, I was trained to illuminate targets quickly and cleanly." their eyes were wide.

"I have to admit I never loved anyone before I came here but I defiantly love master Ciel as if he were my little brother," Finny said thoughtfully.

Bard nodded in agreement. "I have a feeling that kid will bring out that feeling in you too," Bard said walking down the hallway to his room.

Finny nodded in my direction and returned to his room as well. With my mind on our conversation I walked into the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water.

I eased into the water and couldn't help my mind from wondering to the conversation in the hall. Love? What was Love? I understand that Bard could feel love. He was probably coddled as a child with two loving parents maybe a few siblings. Then he fell in love with a girl. I could understand Bard being able to love, but Finny? He was tortured for a good part of his life. He was hurt constantly by everyone around him.

He said he loved that coddled brat like his own flesh and blood. I realized in that moment that I had a perfect opportunity to end Ciel Phantomhive yesterday when we were talking in the kitchen. Why had I given up that opportunity! When had I gotten so soft?

I couldn't imagine feeling love for my father. My father beat every ounce of admiration or dependence out of me by the time I could walk. As I thought of all of this I failed to realize pitiful silent tears were sliding down my face.

After that I lost it. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably. I was pathetic! Never had I shed one tear in my lifetime. For the first time ever I cried.