Letters To Me

The Three Musketeers

I'm all alone. No "Happy New Year"s nothing. All I have is me, myself, and I. And that's not enough. I started thinking, maybe if I had more friends. But I have tons of "friends". They are all users. They only come to me if they need assistance or want something. Not anymore. When I get back to school no more Ms. Push-Over. My only true friends are two girls. One 6 months younger than yours truly. And the other is almost two years younger than me. Both in my grade, one skipped a year in elementary school.

They are all I have. They might not know it but hopefully they think the same of me. I doubt it though. I go around like I own the school and everyone in it. It's just a facade. They don't know the real me. I wish people could see past the facade. But most of the time they can't. The only one who could left me around this time last year.

Spending Christmas and New Years alone is what makes you really think. Am I too antisocial? Do people not like me? Am I a freak to them? My mother and sister wonder why I'm in my room all the time. It's because when I'm down stairs they make jokes about me. Saying I'm Selfish because I won't hand over my iPod for them to look at. Maybe it's because I don't want you to see what I've written. They say I'm stupid because I don't have an A in math class. They say I'm too grown for my age. Maybe it's because I've had to grow up with all the stuff I'm dealing with.

When I'm alone is when I'm at my most vulnerable. That's when they start to talk to me. The Three inside my head. One says, "Don't do it. Think of your loved ones." The Second says, "Do it. They don't really love you." And the Third one just sits there. Waiting. Waiting for me to choose a side.

I usually go with the Second ones opinion. That's when I cut, write, cry or scream. No one but me and The Three Musketeers know why I do those things.