And Then Death Held Out His Hand

A Normal Life

I started to return to school, with Jacob by my side. I buried myself in the hardest classes, trying to forget the little things which changed my life. I can only pray that this is where it gets better.

The amount of tablets which I had to take before has lessened, making me feel more normal. Like cancer is in the past.

And I can only hope that's where it stays.

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My reflection stares back at me in the mirror and I think back to the day of the funeral. My eyes are shining, with happiness instead of tears. My cheeks are rosy, not pale and gaunt.

My lips are turned up in a smile.

I hear a knock at the front door and turn away from the girl on the mirror. I am her.
I take the stairs two at a time, my heavy backpack not slowing me down. Evie follows, not as excited as I am. Christine waits for us in the living room and bursts in to laughter at the look on my face.

I giggle harder when Evie rolls her eyes.

I can now make the walk to school without feeling tired or out of breath. At first I was warned not to go, but my fitness soon returned. And I love it. I don't feel like a patient anymore.

We walk along the path, gossiping and laughing in the breezy morning.

"How's that boy of yours Chris?"
She answers casually, inspecting her nails.

"He was boring."
I laugh and roll my eyes when she goes on to talk about a guy in her bio class. Here we go again.

We walk through the school buildings and head to the lockers. As I spin the combination, I glimpse Jacob out of the corner of my eye and my smile widens.
He comes over and leans with his shoulder against my locker, his mouth tuned up in a cute smile, the happiness starting to return to his eyes. We walked hand in hand, holding each other up, guarding against the whispers and stares. As we pass through the hallway I know is full of sympathising looks all I see is him by my side.

I only let go of his hand when I reach the maths classroom. I hate this class, not only the actual maths (and teacher) but the never ending wall of stares and having to face them alone.

I take a deep breath, lifting my head up against my will to appear confident. That everything's as it should be.
I pretend no one notices the slight shake of my hand as I grip my pen, my fingers white.
The teacher, along with a cloud of smoke strides in to the classroom, leaving my to cough with my weakened lungs.
That one class feels like a year.
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The cafeteria seems to stretch out of proportion, a sea of whispers reaching my ears as I scan the crowds for Jacob. Anyone who will save me. A hand grabs my wrist and time looms before me, a weight on my chest my breath caught in my through. A give a hysterical laugh, realising it's Chris. Her eyes darken with worry and then pulls me away from the upturned staring faces.

"You ok?"
No, I'm not, my boyfriends sisters dead, my parents dead, I'm battling cancer. What could be worse?

But I can't say that.

"I'm fine."
Her concerned look fades but I can't miss the sideways glances. I mean, I'm always getting them.

Outside its calmer, less stares the further we walk away from the school. I release the breath I didn't realise I was holding, my clenched fists uncurling.

"Stella, you won't believe what happened, he was cheating on me and the second I dumped him he was on the phone to her."

"Who?"
She ignores me and continues rambling about her ex. This is what I love about her, she helps me forget, just starts talking and doesn't look at me like I'm a kicked puppy. It'll be okay I think to myself.
I push back that little voice in my head.

Or is it.
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