Heroes Of Olympus One-Shots

IM SORRY

OK WAIT DONT SHOOT THIS WASNT CLICK BAIT BECAUSE I TRULY AM SORRY! Buuuuuut this is another authors note- DONT LEAVE YET LET ME EXPLAIN MY SELF SO CALM YPU TITS DAYMN! Ok so my parents took my phone away like a month or so ago and I think they lost it (the should pray they didnt) and it had all my music, one shot ideas, pictures, accounts, contacts and stuff like that. Luckily I remembered my wattpad. I got a new phone (it sucks ass but it has wattpad so yay) and that's what I'm writing this on. I will try to update but I have everything on that phone so I might need to wait until I get it back who knows how long the wait because they still haven't told me. Also I'm going through probably one of the most emotionally pain full things any one can go through (besides death and depression and all those disorders and all that stuff) I have crushes on two of my best friends. And they are both girls. And to top it all off the one who I know is pan and is out to me, we rarely see each other anymore. I was gonna ask the other one (not gonna say any names) to go to the winter dance at our school with me as my "buddy." God I'm so pathetic. Anyway I'm just trying to figure out my life right now. I'm dealing with a lot of self hate and body negativity recently but I can't help it. I'm trying to get help but there is no way in he'll I'm telling anyone I know personally. I'm trying to get better. Also I wrote this like really depressing poem in English yesterday and I'm actually really proud of it. It was a free write so I didn't know what to write so I just started scribbling down words and feelings that I felt and I came up with this...

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Strangled
tied up
held back by my own thoughts
consuming me
changing me
killing me
feeling so lost
beyond what can be found
life slowly ripping away the light that's found inside of me that rarely comes around
good for nothing loser
waist of space and air
these are the thoughts that go through my head that make me not want to share
the feelings deep down inside stabbing me
killing me
making me want to die
the voices, oh so many
locked inside my head
making me slit my wrists and smile at all the blood I shed
tears I lost so many
from sleepless nights away
not from my own bed but from my thoughts that I've kept away
lost in the darkest part of my mind which has now consumed my thoughts
my arms covered in slits and scars from times I thought I ought
to just end it right there
dead clean and gone
I have no one waiting for me
so why would it be so wrong?

Ok that was it. I'm really proud of it and I really enjoyed doing it. I guess it makes me feel better instead of writing sentence after sentence in a diary. I might make a book of poetry if I really enjoy it but ill start by taking a notebook to school and writing in there.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but I promise I will update as soon as I get my phone back and I promise to make it extra dirty as a celebration. Also 1.17k reads?! That's absolutely crazy! Thanks for reading to those of you that stayed till the end.

Again thanks for reading. Love yourself. You. Are. Beautiful. Eat something today. No matter how small. Drink some water. Get some fresh air. Watch funny videos. Smile. You can do this. And I can too.