Words Apart

Part 2: Sometimes letting go hurts less than holding on.

He looked at her pale hands before taking them into his. She didn't stop him. He began to speak again. "Take me back. Let's try again. Let's make this marriage work. I need you in my life. I won't mess up again. I pro-" And before he could finish what he was saying, she interrupted. "Stop." And with that she let go of his soft yet fierce hand.

Silence. Nothing but silence surrounded them for a good few minutes. They looked at each other with a remorse kind of love. As if they were both sorry that it hadn't worked out in the first place. As if both of them were hoping they could somehow restart the moment they'd met. Oh how differently they'd go about things.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds. She imagined the two of them together. Growing old. More memories. But then her mind's most pessimistic thoughts came to play when she imagined the times he mistook her silence for agreeing. When he got angry at her for nothing. When he broke all the strength that she so courageously built within her over the years, with constant mind games and lies.

She had to make the right choice. Deep down she knew what that was. But it seemed even harder now that she saw him, now that she was in front of him. She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Musa. My beloved, Musa.." she looked at him with tears grasping her eyes. "Some things are too broken to be fixed. You've apologised countless times, but if there was any truth in your words then maybe we wouldn't be here right now. Maybe we'd still be together.. and happy.."  At this point she felt a lump evolving in her throat, she found it extremely difficult to keep her tears from falling, and so she let them fall. He lifted his hand to wipe her tears and she allowed his hand to remain on her cheek whilst trying to make a memory of what that felt like. She wanted to keep this memory forever. The memory of his touch. But she couldn't. She had to brace herself. She had to continue saying what she'd been meaning to say for a very long time.

"Maybe this is just Allah's way of saying it won't work. Maybe it's His way of stopping us from doing even more damage to each other's souls. There was a time we were both happy. There was a time where this could have maybe been called love. But it's not love anymore.. You want this to work just because you've never known failure, you've never known defeat. And that my beloved isn't love. You can't save a relationship just because you're not used to such outcomes.." She held his hand for what would the very last time and said: "I'm letting go. But that doesn't mean I didn't love you. I always have, always will. But I no longer see that love in your eyes. But I sincerely pray for you. I pray that someday, somehow, you manage to make peace with yourself.."

She couldn't say much more. Her tears had engulfed her cheeks and she was struggling to breath. Her heart was aching. He also had tears in his eyes. But he knew, this was it. He'd lost her.

She bit her lip, and took a deep breath before saying: "Goodbye, my love". And with that she was gone.

But he didn't want to accept that this was the end. He wasn't going to admit defeat. He let her walk away, having full faith in Allah that He'll somehow reunite them..