Here We Go Again {Jalex}

Chapter 7

Jack's POV:

It was fucking cold outside and I should've thought more about that when I grabbed my light jacket instead of the heavy coat in my closet. It wasn't as cold as it could've been for a January night but the wind was what made it bother me.

Luckily, Alex came out of the building a few minutes after me and got my mind off the cold. He seemed a bit more reserved as we walked toward the path he'd told me about, but he was actually the one to start the conversation. I was too cold and too nervous.

"So you're here," Alex stated as we crossed the threshold into the little woods. The leaves that were once on the trees were either under small patches of snow on the ground or crunched down by people walking on the path previously.

"I am," I said with a slight laugh. "I am here."

Alex looked from the ground to me. "I have to say I never thought you would be."

"Oh?" I hummed, snapping twigs under my Vans as we walk.

"I mean, why are you? Was the scholarship really not what you thought it would be?"

I stared at my shoes as we walked. I told myself it was because I didn't want to trip on the roots sticking out of the ground but honestly I think it was because I knew Alex could read me like a book. And I could've lied, but he was already suspicious so I decided to just tell him.

"No," I finally answered, "There's more to it." He looked at me expectantly and I went on, "For example, my classes. They were too much. Everything that that school was too much for me to handle."

I feel like a total failure saying this to him of all people. Especially considering my decision to go there ruined our relationship. I risked everything and it didn't even pay off.

"It was one of the top tier schools, Jack. I can't even imagine how hard it was to juggle all of that. I think it's hard here, let alone at one of those places, and what? You probably had a job too? Yeah, I definitely get it."

It was nice to hear him say that, made me think that maybe he really did get it. And even if he didn't he was empathetic, which was nice.

"Well," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, "I'm glad you transferred."

I looked it him in confusion. "You are?"

He grinned, his eyes trained on something ahead of us, "Yes, I've missed you."

"You have?"

He looked back at me like it was obvious. "Yeah, Jack. Of course I did. What? Did you not miss me at all?"

Every fucking day, I thought to myself. "Yeah, of course."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "So why would I feel any different?"

I shrugged wordlessly. We silently kept walking deeper and deeper into the trees. There wasn't a person in sight. I wondered if he ever brought Vic here, or if it was just me.

"So," I said, getting tired of letting my mind roam, "You and, uhm, you and Vic, huh?"

"Yeah," he said, "Me and Vic."

"How long have you two...?"

"Couple months," he said kind of shortly.

My thoughts automatically go racing back to those first few months we spent together, how they seemed like an eternity to me at the time. I fell in love with him in the span of a few months.

"What?"

I turned to find him staring at me and avert eyes again, "I just... Stop me if you don't want to answer but, uh, do you," I exhaled, "love him?"

Alex takes a moment to answer and my chest pounds with every passing second.

"I don't know," Alex finally confessed. "It's only been a few months."

"It was only a few months for us." I wanted to smack myself for saying that, but I refrained.

"We're different," he spoke without hesitation.

"Are we?"

"Yeah, we are." He doesn't say anymore on the matter, instead asked, "So, did you see anyone while you were away?"

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die and rot away into nothing.  No, I hadn't seen anyone seriously. So I did the only sensible thing and I lied. "There was one guy, his name was actually Jack too. He and I dated for a month or two but it didn't work out."

In reality I'd slept with him once and it was a total mistake because we were super drunk and he was my only friend. He was also not out of the closet yet and after that he didn't want to talk to me ever again.

"That sucks," Alex said but I got the impression he was not really that upset that my 'relationship' had not worked out. "What happened?"

"Uhm, he was just like super into partying and always got mad when I couldn't go. He had no sense of priorities. It was crazy..." I turned and coughed into my sleeve. I wondered if he was believing a word I was saying. Why wouldn't he?

"That must've sucked." Alex nodded.

"Yeah," I mumbled, "It did."

I hated lying to him. I honestly did, but he was doing so well. He was dating Vic Fuentes from high school and had friends and a life and I just didn't. I did nothing memorable over our separation except fuck my only friend and develop anxiety issues.

What a fucking winner I was, really. He'd never dump Vic for me, and I didn't even blame him.