Protection: A Fairy Tail Fanfiction

Chapter Three: Question

"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next." – Ursula K. Le Guin

ZEREF'S head ached, his chest felt hollow, and his side throbbed when he came back to Earthland. More than anything, he wanted to go back to the darkness that had surrounded him like a fluffy blanket, warm and comforting, hiding him from reality. But wakefulness kept nudging him, bringing him back to the land of the living against his will, and he knew that it wouldn't be long before he felt restless enough to sit up. He'd never been one for lounging in bed; it had been a habit leftover from his father dragging him up at the crack of dawn to tend to the animals, and then, later, from his teacher frowning upon wasting away morning hours.

(Only Natsu would find the one person who actually enjoyed waking up with the sun and convince her to take them in as apprentices. Sometimes, he honestly wondered if his brother had deliberately set out to torture him.)

The remains of his dream kept him from wanting to wake up anytime soon also, so he kept his eyes closed and buried further into the softness that was bedding and blankets, which was something he wanted to marvel at but shouldn't. He didn't deserve the luxuries that normal people took for granted.

For once it had been a good dream— another something he didn't deserve, but that didn't make him any less grateful for it. It was more of a memory than a dream, of back when he was young and had just started to learn the magic of life. Natsu had been there: he had fallen asleep over his books, and his younger brother had draped a blanket over his shoulders, throwing logs into the fire to chase away the chill. He couldn't remember much more than that.

It's so soft... way softer than the ground... he hummed happily in the back of his throat, curling into the blankets again. It had been so long since he felt so comfortable, if ever. Back home, they only had blankets to spread against the ground and no kind of padding because they hadn't had the money to afford any beds. This felt like the clouds; soft and fluffy and warm. (The scientific part of his mind grumbled because clouds were not warm but he ignored it with a practiced ease.) Maybe he could somehow fall back to sleep? He really didn't want to wake up again...

Half formed recollections danced through his head. Of walking through a town and sensing a strange presence, and then seeing Natsu throw himself over that girl, as if he could shield her with his own body. In one of his rare moments of clarity, he had known he had to protect Natsu. While Zeref was unable to die, Natsu could, and he couldn't lose his brother too even though they were so distant from each other that it might have been funny if it hadn't been so terribly sad. He had an immortal body, after all. Or he had an immortal body until Natsu grew powerful enough to kill him.

For some reason, that awful darkness that always lurked in the back of his head wasn't creeping into his conscious, clouding his thoughts, tearing between hating Natsu and loving him. Between hating life and loving it.