Screwed

14

I remember being little and my mom always having a box of lemon cookies just sitting around, and there never was a silent moment. Something had to be going, and she always had the cookies. I asked her one day, and she told me the cookies were a reminder and the music was a tuner to keep that reminder away.

Of course, I didn't know what it was she didn't want to remember, but I learned later on. My dad always bought lemon cookies, and my mother was in love with them afterwards. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. So what? They are cookies, no reason to be so sad. She didn't see it that way. I always knew what my dad looked like, internet, old pictures.

So when I see him standing there in the cookie aisle in the grocery store, I didn't know what to do, how to react, how to think. Especially since he had a boy around Jasper's age or younger standing there with a plastic sword, pretending to cut off a little girl's arm. "Daddy! Make Tyler leave me alone." She pouts and grabs his hand.

"Leave Aline be." He says.

"Molly, what're you doing? We gotta go, hon." My uncle says but I don't move. "What's wrong?" He looks down the aisle and then he seems shocked. "Oh... "

My dad looks up and he squints at us for a moment. "Jacob." He says softly. "How have you been?" He asks my uncle and he just lets his mouth hang open for a moment.

"I've been good, these yours?" He referrs to the two children running around. Jasper walks around the corner and stands beside me.

"Yes.'' He says. "This is Tyler, he is twelve and Aline, she is seven. Both my pride and joy." He smiles brightly and I can see it in his eyes when he looks over at me, he knows who I am. But, he asks anyway. "They both yours?"

"Yeah, they are. Both of them." My uncle says it sharply. "Jasper is my son, Fourteen. Molly is almost eighteen. Proud of both of them." He says and something in his voice is still and unnaturally calm. "And we must be going." He pulls us both along.

I walk out of the store as they pay and I sit in the backseat. So I don't have to answer uncomfortable questions, I put my ear buds in and I just lean my head on the window.

Pride and joy, huh?

They both get in and they don't speak, so I'm guessing my uncle explained to Jasper who that was.

It's an awkwardly silent ride, when I shut off the music, I can tell they both want to say something, anything they could to make it seem more bearable.
At the house, I go to my room and I slam the door shut and lock it behind me.
~~~

I hear the banging on the door over the music and the scraping of furniture. I quickly walk up the stairs and open the door. I see Michael standing there and I let him in. We walk done and he stops. "Moving around, are we?" He looks around. "Your bed got moved so far away. Coming down the stairs, it was right here, I could just jump on it. Now, I'd hit a desk and probably die." He says and he rambles. That what he does when he is at a loss for words, but I don't blame him for trying.

I sit down at the desk and look down at the keyboard to my computer. He sighs and gives me a hug. "Molls, I don't know what to say, but I want to say something."

"You don't have to say anything, I'm fine." I say and drag my fingers across the desktop. I am far from fine, but I don't need another person to worry about my well-being. "He had two kids after me, Mikey. One who is only five years younger than I am." I say and I can't help but feel myself falling deeper and deeper into my own sadness and misery. "He left my mother because he didn't want children. How fucked up that is."

"He is an douche and doesn't know what he has lost." He says.

"Yeah, no doubt, but he is my dad. I feel like he should at least... at least care a little bit. Should take a slight interest in my existence. I have siblings, Michael and I'll never meet them because legally, he isn't even my parent anymore." I say and stand. "That is so unfair!" I yell and he flinches.

"I know it is." He says.

"We go grocery shopping every Sunday, and I am always around town at some point. I never see him, never. He cannot just show up like this, it's unfair." I say again and sit back down covering my face with my hands. I don't want to cry in front of him, but I have the strong urge to break downinto a puddle of tears.

"Look at me Molls." He says and kneels in front of me. He brings his green eyes up to mine and his face grows serious. "It's not your fault. It's his, he is missing out on an amazing person. And if he doesn't want anything to do with you, good riddance, because you are an amazing person." He says and takes my hands in his own. "Don't worry about him, because you have Jake and Jasper, and I know you mean the world to them, and you have me, and I feel like I'm a pretty decent friend, most of the time."

"Yeah, I know." I say and sigh. "It's just, I miss my mom so much. And he...he doesn't even..." I looks away because I do feel the tears coming. I quickly wipe my eyes in my sleeve and sniffle. "I'm okay." I say in a whisper. "I've gotta get this stuff together, I've got tutoring for the next three hours." I say. "Which is an awful way to spend a Sunday."

"I couldn't agree more." He says, giving me a quick hug. "But I guess I'll leave you alone." He walks to my stairs and gives me a soft smile before walking up them.

An hour or so later, Calum shows how and walks in through my bedroom door. He doesn't seem happy. "Hey." He mumble and walks over to me. He sits in the spare chair and sighs. "You look tired, what's up?"

"Uh, nothing." I say, not willing to share my problems. "You?"

"Life sucks." He answers simply and I nod. I couldn't agree more with him at the moment.

As we begun, his phone will light up throughout the first hour with the word Joy across the front and a couple texts, he groans and answers them.

"Who is that?" I ask him out of curiosity.

"My mom." He says.

"Okay, say this." I point to the sentence and he says it slowly. He takes out his phone again and shuts it off.

"Sometimes I wish she would just disappear." He says suddenly. "I just want her to leave me alone."

"No, you don't." I say and snort.

"Yes." He says seriously.

"Calum, you wouldn't like that." I say.

"You are absolutely right, I would love that." He says. "No one calling me to yell at me, or to constantly criticize everything I do. I would be so happy if she just... went away. Her and my dad."

"It's awful." I say and frown deeply.

"It would be great, though." He says. "You don't know what it's like living with either of them. That's awful."

"You don't what it's like not having either. It could be do much worse, not having anyone to constantly worry about you, or pressure you to be better, I'd give the world to have that. You wouldn't actually like them going away." I say and I have to fight myself to not get mad at him.

"I'd give the world if they'd leave me alone. Having no parents is better than living with people who hate you, Molly." He says softly. "Your cousin informed me you were a bit upset because of earlier, with your encounter. But trust me when I say that living in hate is not better than living alone."

"I just...I-I....that's not fair. I'd give anything to have both my parents." I say and cross my arms.

"That's what I thought, too." He says. "Now, move away from the thoughts of all sad stuff and let's focus. Parents are stupid, forget them, and don't you dare defend them." He says and points a finger at me.

Tutoring goes on, and by the end of our three hours, I'm so done with hearing the language.

"I'm suicidal at the moment." He says and runs his hands through his hair. "I hate this class, I swear to god."

"You hate a lot of things." I say.

"More than half of the world, yes." He says. "But guess what?"

"What?" I say and he leans forward, a cheap smile on his lips.

"I don't hate you." He kisses me gently and quickly moves us from the desk to the bed. He leans over me and smiles. "But you're about the only person."