Call Me Monster

Chapter 35

Kyungsoo

I did it again.

On the skin I haven't touched for quite a long time were now visible dark red stripes. I wasn't proud of myself, but I just needed to do it.

The main reason I hadn't done it in a while was because of Jongin's habit. He liked to ran his hands over my skin, it was almost some kind of checking, touching every inch. There was no part of my body I could cut without him noticing.

But now he wasn't around and Baekhyun wouldn't see it. Most of the time he just left me alone.

I cried while doing it and my hands were shaking. That was something new for me and it didn't relief me as much as I hoped it would.

So when Baekhyun came home, bringing Chanyeol with him, I was still very emotional. I decided to take a shower to relax, but all it did was making me see the scars. I looked at myself in the mirror above the sink.

How stupid have I been?

I sighed and got dressed in a sweatpants and an oversized hoodie.
I wasn't in the mood to make my homework, so I joined Baekhyun and Chanyeol downstairs on the couch to watch some tv.

"How do you feel?" Baekhyun asked as he noticed me. "How was school?"

"It was fine," I assured him while sitting down.

"If there's anything you wanna talk about, you know..."

"I know Baek, thank you."

He smiled at me before leaning against Chanyeol again.

But the truth was I didn't know what to talk about. They wouldn't understand my feelings nor could I explain it properly. It was just a feeling inside of me.

We all looked up as a "ping" sounded trough the air. Chanyeol took out his phone and frowned at the screen.

"What is it?" Baekhyun asked curiously, but Chanyeol shrugged, "nothing."

I raised my eyebrows, but decided to let it go. It was none of my business after all. I sighed for the hundredth time that day and tried to focus on the show. After a few moments I stood up, drawing all the attention to me.

"Where are you going Soo?" Baekhyun asked.

"I'm just gonna take a walk, I think I need some fresh air." I put my shoes on and grabbed my jacket before I walked out of the door.

As soon as I was out in the open air my eyes started burning with tears. I walked slowly past the houses as I hummed a song to comfort myself. My ringtone went off and without thinking I accepted the call.

I held the phone against my ear as I spoke, "hello?"

"Kyungsoo?"

I froze. Shit. "Jongin?"

"I didn't think you would actually pick up," he said surprised.

"To be honest, I didn't realise it was you." I tried to suppress a sob and it kind of worked.

"Oh..." He spoke softly. "I didn't expect anything else from you now."

"What do you want?" I asked as a sob escaped my mouth.

"Are you... Are you crying?" His voice was unsure. "Soo?"

"Maybe..." I wiped my nose and tried to breathe steady. "What do you care?"

"A lot," he answered simply. "Do I still have to tell you I love you? I thought you would be sick of it by now."

That was all it took to have me brake down in tears.

"Baby don't cry," he spoke softly. "I could tell you how much I care about you, but you've seen my messages and I think you won't listen anyway."

"Ju... Just tell me," I squinted my eyes closed, "tell me you do like me. That it was all a big mistake. That you don't want to hurt me."

It was silence on the other end of the line, making my sob echo through the phone into my own ear.

"I don't like you Kyungsoo," he finally spoke after a few moments. "I love you and maybe it sounds cliché, but I need you."

I opened my eyes again and looked up at the darkening sky. As I didn't respond, he continued. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again. Just tell me what to do."

"I... I want to, but I can't."

"I'll give you all the time you need," Jongin tried to convince me. "Please."

Without saying anything else I ended the call.