I love you, Camila thought a thousand times that evening. There had been other thoughts, too—thoughts full of pauses, separated by gasps and moans and cries of pleasure—but she couldn't remember them. What she remembered was realizing that she loved everything about Lauren. She loved her body and her skin and the way she held Camila tighter when she came. She loved the way Lauren touched her, with a mixture of diffidence and confidence. She loved Lauren's hands and her fingers and her tongue; definitely her tongue.
Camila opened her mouth to speak; to say something along the lines of, "You killed me." But all that came out was an incomprehensible sound. Her body felt like Jell-O, but heavier; like a Jell-O rock. Her mind swam. She was aware of the damp sheets beneath her back, of the fact that time had moved forward and into the early morning. But mainly, she was aware of Lauren. Of Lauren's mouth planting kisses on her thighs ... on her hip ... on her stomach.
"Yes?" Lauren said, and Camila could hear the smile in her voice. "Were you trying to say something?"
She gathered what was left of her brain power and tried again. "Don't you sound smug?"
"Well, you were moaning rather emphatically."
Camila opened her eyes to find Lauren gazing down at her, and whatever coherent thoughts had formulated in her mind fluttered away. She felt breathless. She wanted to say too many things at once; to pour out every last one of her emotions and make Lauren understand that this evening and every second in it had filled her with uncontainable happiness. She wanted to blurt out promises and declarations and ramble uncontrollably. But she was lucid enough to know that all of that was perhaps too much at this hour of the morning, and maybe too much in general.
"What are you thinking?" Lauren asked.
"I'm thinking ... that I meant what I said earlier."
"The 'oh, yes, right there?' I could tell."
"Before that."
"That you love my breasts?"
She grinned. "Yes, most certainly that. And also, that I love you." The statement sounded loud in the relative silence of the room. She'd said these words before, in a not-so-distant-past, to someone else entirely, but she had never felt vulnerable while saying them. Nothing about tonight or about this relationship felt like anything that had come before, and that was both exciting and terrifying.
Lauren smiled and Camila melted a little at the sight. She shifted her weight and lay down against Camila's side, resting her head on Camila's chest.
Camila's breath caught at the sensation. She would never tire of this, she thought. She was already addicted.
"Your heart is beating really fast."
"I can't imagine why," Camila said. "It's not like there's a super-hot girl lying naked against me or anything."
"Right."
"Seriously. When you look in the mirror you don't think to yourself, 'God, I'm so gorgeous. How am I allowed to exist among mortals?'"
Lauren laughed. "Is that what you think when you look in the mirror?"
"Oh, yeah," Camila said. "And then I think, 'Lauren Jauregui is so lucky to have me.'"
"Lauren Jauregui is indeed very lucky."
I'm the lucky one, she thought, but didn't say. Camila wanted to say too many things again and none of them sounded right in her head, which meant they'd sound even worse aloud. Tonight had been incredible and she didn't have the words to express how she felt about it all. Touching Lauren felt like a gift. Just holding Lauren felt like a gift. She wanted to tell Lauren all of this, but didn't know how. Saying 'I love you' didn't seem like enough.
