The new kid // V-hope

Chapter 4 : One year

I was in the toilet at the school. I haven't even been to school for 5 minutes yet, but still cried so much that i needed to leave the class three times. "I'm sorry dad" I whispered. The tear came out faster now. I should have stayed at home, like my mom told me to. No school were really important. It was weird, Jimin texted me last night after i left, said i should try dancing again. He also said if it made you happy once, it will make you happy again. I thought a lot about it, and i was starting private lessons tomorrow. I kept crying, it felt like the pain inside would never end. This pain were worse than any pain you could experience.

It was now lunch time. I totally forgot, yesterday V told me to make his homework again, guess who didn't do them. Me and Jisoo were walking towards the cafeteria, when i heard a familiar voice behind me. "Ya!" V shouted. We both turned around. He was the last person i wanted to talk to right now. "Hey faggot! Did you make my homework?" "Don't call him that" Jisoo defended. I should just have stayed at home today, i felt the tears pressing on, i was so defenceless today, because of my dad, but still didn't want to cry, it just means that i lose to him. But thinking about it, i should probably just cry. Jimin told me that he hated it, but why ask about it all the time? "But he is, i mean look at him. Probably just like his dad. Both big faggots" He laughed "I wouldn't even care if you died.." That was it, i couldn't hold it anymore. My tears were flowing out. Of all days he could say this, he had to do it today? I wanted to say something but nothing came out of my mouth. He looked really shocked. Same did Jimin, but he seemed so sorry. "You know what? Fuck you!" I shouted with tears covering my whole face, and ran away.

Vs POV

'Before school'

"Why are you even teasing him, and being mean?" Jimin asked. "Don't ask okay.." I said.

Why? Well because he was different. I felt something for him. I have been in love with a guy once before, and now again? Why? I wanted him to hate me. I didn't want him to like me, that's why. I don't want me to like him, but even though what i did, i still liked him. Why? I don't know. He just made me feel some kind of way. And he was really handsome, and beautiful, so innocent.

'Now'

"You know what? Fuck you!" He shouted with tears streaming down his face. Then he ran away, and Jisoo after. I felt so bad.

He was crying so hard. Why? What is wrong with me, how can i ask myself why. I know why. It was all because of love... I feel so bad, i just wanted to hug him when the tears came in his eyes.

"You are an idiot.. You know that right?" Jimin said. "Wait do you know something?" I quick asked. "Emh yes, i talked with him yesterday. His dad died a year ago today, and it's also his dad's birthday today. Sooo..." Jimin said. I didn't listen to anything else just ran after J-hope and Jisoo.

Fuck what have i done? I felt so sorry towards him. I still had feelings for him... But why? Why did i have to do all of this instead of just admitting it?

I saw Jisoo standing outside of the boys toilet. I walked past her, but she grabbed my shoulder "I don't think you should go in there..." I took my arm out of her grab, and went past her anyway. I heard small sobbing and whining from one of the stalls. It was J-hope, i was sure of it. "J-hope?" There was silence. Nothing was heard.

J-hope's POV

I ran to the toilet, and saw Jisoo running after me. I didn't wanna talk just get away. Forever. I closed the door, and locked myself in. Looked at my exhausted face in the mirror. Why?

It didn't take long i smashed to mirror, and blood came streaming out of my hand and fingers. I heard Vs voice on the other side.

What does he want? It's already too late. I hated myself, he made me hate myself, my dad and my mom as well, even myself made me hate myself. Why did i have to be born. These thoughts had been going around in my head since my dad died. Seeing my dad die and my mom cry herself to sleep everyday, never had friends on the other schools, always getting judge and beaten up. Why did i have to live? I took one of the glass pieces, and bit my shirt, so no one could hear me cry.

One cut.... Two cuts, three cuts, four cuts, five... I wanted to keep going. But stopped, i looked at my arm.

What am i doing.

The tears were floating out of my eyes, i felt dizzy and sat down quickly.