Alabaster Roses

[.2] "the soul takes pictures of things it has wished for"

                                                                         [.2]

                             “the soul takes pictures of things it has wished for"

THE FROST NIPPED his shoulders as Ambrose stood shirtless on his balcony with nothing but a cigarette in his mouth to keep him warm. It was now three forty-five AM on New Years Day. The start of yet another year he’d spent in his own company left him feeling exceptionally downtrodden. He hadn’t slept – couldn’t sleep – since three days ago and he wasn’t sure why. He could normally force three or four hours of rest from his body, but for some reason even an hour of unconsciousness was becoming a struggle. Thanks to a relapse the night he got home from Christmas dinner, he didn’t even have his trusted Valium to help him through it. He was contemplating going to his dealer but he was trying to cut down and besides, part of him enjoyed the burn when he pushed himself to his limits.

Ambrose took a drag from the cigarette. As far as he was aware, he had nothing to stress about. His mother was living a happy life in Greenwich. His work was going to plan and he had done well at all performances scheduled so far and Hamish was living the life he’d always dreamt of, full of women and booze…and more women. Despite his brother’s accountant expressing concern to him on more than once occassion, they both knew his brother would never go bankrupt. His one good invention saw to that; the world’s first emissions- free car. Since then, Hamish had never had to work hard for his lifetsyle. Of course it helped that their father had left them both just shy of rich, but it was never intended to be a long term solution to money – he was sure of it. 

Part of Ambrose resented that Hamish lived off the inheritance and only occasionally showed up at his company office, it was yet more proof of his complete and utter arrogance. Hamish even called the wage that he got from his company ‘pocket money.’

He didn’t understand how his brother could stand spending so much time doing nothing. For Ambrose, work ethic and music were two of the few things that saved his sanity. It was a secret shame, but he remembered when he used to work three jobs just to keep himself busy and then, unbeknownst to his family, to fund his addiction. One year he'd been so desperate he'd stolen his mother’s jewellery and sold it for scraps... even to this day, he was sure she had no idea where her dad's gold pocket watch and her own engagement ring disappeared to. He’d quickly become accustomed to the expensive taste of Skunk, and worse still to the far more potent substance of Heroin. He found the buzz it gave was a new kind of thrill… though even he had to admit; he was beginning to get immune to its effects and was finding he had to take more each time.

He couldn't bare to think how disappointed his father would be if he knew how his sons had turned out; one a futureless druggie and the other a lay about woman beater. Even if it appeared he was the only one who thanked his father for all he did, Ambrose would continue thanking him until the day he died. If it wasn't for his father writing his will years before his death, the two brothers would have been left with nothing like they had now. It was their fathers money that gave them their kick-start in life, the funds to give them opportunities to live well. Ambrose closed his eyes and pictured his fathers face like he had done so many times before... and only when the grey-blue eyes identical to his own, the curled wheat coloured hair and the stern but loving look settled on his stoic features, did Ambrose smile. Thank you father, he though. 

Ambrose opened his eyes, the image faded and he let his mind wander back to the days when his family were together. For almost the entirety of his childhood, Hamish really was the ‘bad egg’. Most of the family drama centered around him, but when he hit twenty-one and Ambrose was seventeen, news broke Hamish had invented the most efficient car known to man. Overnight he became the star child, fame thrust upon him. He grew an entire empire overnight and very quickly became established as the best car company running. If he never did another thing, Hamish would’ve always had money to spend.