Alabaster Roses

[.4] "he may keep the law, and yet be worthless"

                                                                          [.4] 

                                      “he may keep the law, and yet be worthless” 

AMBROSE LOOKED DOWN at himself and wondered, not for the first time, if throwing himself off the balcony would get him out of going to the club tonight.  As promised, Elizabeth had texted him all the necessary details for Hamish’s night at the club and in turn he, as promised, was getting ready to go and ‘keep an eye’ on his brother.  

It had been three days since Ambrose had discovered Hamish’s attack on Elizabeth and in those three days he had run through every scenario in his head and how he would handle his emotions once he came face to face with his brother. Should he play it cool, like he had no idea what happened? Should he give him a subtle warning, but assure him he’ll forgive him? Or – his favourite option – should he just walk up to him, say nothing and give him a good right hook?

He took a sip of his tea. Violence shouldn’t be the answer but he wasn’t making any promises. The night Elizabeth had told him he’d arrived home and gone straight for his stash of Skunk, but was mortified to see he only had about a quarter of an ounce left. He smoked some of it - being sure to leave a small amount for an emergency- but had been aware since then that he really needed to go and get some more. He couldn't afford to have a bad day and not get his fix. Once again he'd fallen asleep at the feet of his woman and had woken up with terrible hunger. 

It was only after he smoked the good stuff that he got really hungry and even then he could usually ignore it or cure it with a normal cigarette. Today however he'd been picking at food since the moment he woke up. A cracker here, a biscuit there - he felt strange eating so much. Ambrose bit into his second sandwich of the day as he reached the bottom of his stairs to the ground floor. The bread was dry and stuck to the roof of his mouth - he'd run out of butter weeks ago - and the cheese left a funny twang on his tongue, but he was hungry so ate it anyway. It was eight thirty in the evening but he wasn't leaving until nine. He still had half an hour to play with. Still trying to swallow the mouthful of food, Ambrose wandered into his thinking room and poured a glass of water from his water cooler. As he did so he turned and caught sight of himself in one of the large windows. It was dark outside so he reflected clearly in the glass. 

Having had no clue what to wear to the bar scene he'd eventually settled on a navy blue, two piece suit with a matching tie and a white shirt. He’d managed to tame his curls and had pulled them into some kind of small quiff. He'd finished his look with a silver bracelet and watch. His mind told him it was too formal, but he could not be bothered to change again – besides, he doubted he would be there long and looking out of place might make people avoid him. After all, he pondered, if there’s one thing the human race is good at, it’s judging a book by his cover.

Ambrose came a bit closer to the window, fiddling with the chain links on his bracelet. Unintentionally he noticed how tired he looked, the blue in his irises had somehow lost their sparkle and, oh God, were there lines around his eyes already? He tried to smile, but stopped instantly. Oh, he thought, that looks painful. And it did - his face was so thin now that his smile made it seem like his cheekbones would break through his paper thin skin at any moment, plus the exaggerated movement of the grin caused his face to become even more hollow - gaunt even. He wet his lips; even they looked thinning and dry. Ambrose stopped looking at himself in the window - his face was the best part of his body and if that was scaring him, he dreaded to think what he'd see if he truly looked at his own naked reflection. He remembered a time people used to say how much he looked like his father, but his father had been healthy and bright - Ambrose was like the shell of his father now and that scared him.