fleur still doesn't come over. i don't go to school while i'm suspended. i just do my work on my laptop and send it to my teachers. i can't jack off with my right hand so i have to use my left. for the 3 days i'm home alone while everyone's at work, i jack off twice a day. it's a hassle because i have to use my left hand, but i'm so bored.
i read, i paint, i cry. i think about annabel in the bathroom with me. my hands were floating in the orange water while she ran more water over them. our eyes met, i remember it. there was no spark like when she used to see me.
we're just getting out of january and it's freezing. i think about how valentines day is coming up and my heart hurts.
annabel. anna-fucking-bel.
it's 2 PM on thursday when the doorbell rings. i run down the stairs and swing the door opened.
"fleur?"
she stands in the t shirt i lended her when she came over and shorts. it's freezing out. she's wearing white converse and her hair in a ponytail. she comes in without me inviting her.
"i stayed home today."
"why?"
"he cheated on me, it's humiliating."
she opens our cupboard and gets popcorn out but she leaves it on the counter to sit on the couch. i put it in the microwave and watch it pop. fleur turns on a game show. pop pop pop. the microwave beeps. fleur runs and pulls the popcorn from the microwave. her hair looks darker. her eyes look more sunken in.
big moon eyes.
"thank you, by the way" she says to me.
"for knocking that ass out?" i snarl.
she nods and eats some popcorn. there's a small gap between her two front teeth. her tongue flicks between it and a kernel gets stuck. there's pink lip gloss on her lips. i notice a freckle under her eye. i touch it.
there's a moment. right there. that i see fleur. not some girl who goes to my school, but the girl her parents see. i want to protect her so much.
we watch 80s horror movies and finish off 2 bags of popcorn.
"vin, come with me to a party tomorrow."
i shift away from her a little.
"come on, you need some social time. it's at jarod's house."
she traces her hand over my stubble i haven't shaved in a few days. i feel her hand itch over my upper lip. she knows what she's doing to me.
"fleur, you need to fucking stop."
she pulls her hand away and looks puzzled.
"stop being so touchy with me. stop acting like you care. annabel just-"
"annabel broke up with you a while ago now. besides, i have no clue what you're talking about" she plays dumb.
"you touch me like you want me and it, it's just" talking feels heavy "throwing me off, man."
"haha, you think i want you?"
i look at her.
she huffs and leaves.
