Blinded by the Light

three

I woke up with my head throbbing and my eyes burning. I checked the time on my phone. 8:24.

I got up and trudged to the bathroom. I examined myself in the mirror. My hair was a rats mess and I had eye makeup smeared all over my face. I brushed my hair and threw it in a high bun and began to wash my face.

I put on clean sweats and a t shirt and walked downstairs to get something to eat. My eyes trailed to the bedroom. It was empty. My mom wasn't there anymore. It really did happen. I felt the tears grow in my eyes but I quickly blinked them away.

"Hello?" I called through the house as I looked around. No one was home. Andrew was at work and I was supposed to be at school.

I walked into the kitchen and ate an apple. When I was done, I went back into my room and laid down. I didn't even know what to do, to be honest. What was I supposed to do? I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to do anything.

I guess I fell asleep because the sound of the front door slamming snapped me awake. I looked outside and it was dark. I checked the time; 9pm.

Andrew slammed my door open. He gave me a death stare as I jumped up to my feet. I could smell the alcohol in his breath. He walked over to me and hit me. I fell to the round as my head pounded. I felt the impact once again. I screamed out in pain as he kept punching me.

It wouldn't stop. I wanted to run to the bathroom and hide but he just kept hitting me and I didn't have the strength. I felt warm blood rushing down the side of my face. It finally stopped and I looked up at him.

"You're such a worthless little shit!!" he screamed at me as he threw his empty beer bottle against the wall. It shattered into tiny little pieces. I put my arms over my head as he hit me once again.

"Now I have to fucking take care of you. I wish you died instead of your mother! That would've made everyone's  goddamn lives a whole lot easier!" he slurred and left with a slam of the door.

I sat on the floor, shaking, with tears running down my face. There was a sharp pain in the side of my head and my whole body ached.

He didn't mean the things he said. I mean he was drunk. He was really drunk. I rushed over to my door and locked it, afraid that he would come back in and try to hurt me again. I walked over to the bathroom and cleaned myself up.

My eyes trailed to the pair of scissors on the counter. As much as I felt the urge to slice it across my skin, I didn't believe it would help anything. It would just cause me more pain and I don't need that. "I wish you would've died instead of your mother! That would've made everyone's goddamn lives a whole lot easier!"

I tried to shut the words out, but they kept finding their way back into my head. My thoughts distracted me from my actions and when I snapped back into reality I found myself with my sweats on the floor and my thighs covered in slits. The tears wouldn't stop as I rushed into the shower and turned it on.

The cuts stung as I ran the hot water over them. I sat on the shower floor and sobbed until my thighs stopped bleeding. I turned off the shower and put on clean pajamas.

I laid down on my bed and thought. It'll get better, I tried to convince myself. I fell asleep, drowning in my own misery.