something great // a.i

i. understand

"hey charls." a sharp intake of breath. he hadn't called her that in months.

"luke," she nodded her head and looked down, around her and anywhere but his face.

"so how've you been."

"fine."

"so... has it helped?" he muttered nervously.

"whaddya mea-"

"this place, i meant, has this place helped."

"helped what? i was okay to begin with." she couldn't look him in the eye.

"charlie, shutting people out for months is not okay, crying yourself to sleep every night is not okay, and then the pills that night, okay doesn't even begin to apply to any of this!" she watched his feet as he moved closer, struggling to keep her words steady as she spoke.

"don't you get it? nothing I do is ever okay."

he paused, then sighed, "at least try. please. for your brothers and i."

"i do, every single damn day," her voice staggered, "but you wouldn't understand."

though she wanted to, she knew that if she looked up at his face, even for just a second, she'd begin to cry and wouldn't know how to stop.

"no!" she could picture his face, eyebrows scrunched up and hair in a mess."charlie, you don't understand. i was hurting too, we all were, they weren't just your parents. I miss them too, okay. but every day you stayed locked up your damn room hurt me just as bad as the accident. for crying out loud, it hurts to see you looking like this right now! just for once, think of me, think of your sisters." his voice reverberated in the hollow room.

she knew that if she dared open her mouth, sobs would come tumbling out. so she stayed silent.

"see? you can't even look your own damn brother in the eye!" he stormed out, flinging the door wide open. luke walked, the empty corridors blurring into white before him, as he roughly wiped the flood of tears escaping from his eyes.

she sat and listened until she could no longer her his footsteps getting further and further away.

he left, she thought, again. your own twin brother can't stand being in the same fucking room as you for 5 minutes. she chuckled bitterly.

and just like that, everything was quiet again. it had been this way for so many weeks she'd lost count. or maybe she'd forgotten so she wouldn't have to bear the pain of knowing how this would continue on into forever. this was her life now, her future. she knew that she couldn't get better, so she'd stop trying long ago, it was easier this way.

Every now and then, the silence felt louder than any noise possibly could. And the emptiness she felt became blocks that built a tower so high, that when it came crashing down, pieces were bound to crush her.

a/n wow it's been a while. i wrote this chapter back in feb so sorry for it's rustiness (do you get me?) and if you haven't figured out yet i've changed this to an ashton fic bc he's my sunshine and yeah ok. this story will have short chappies so updates may or may not be more frequent. anyways, this is dedicated to 5SauceDayum for be the sweetest thing ever. i'm so glad you enjoy my stuff <3 and now i'm just going to upload this before i stop myself for the 10927318th time.

edit/oct'15 : god this stuff is embarassing :')