Ellie's Journal.

January 2nd 2014

January 2nd 2014.

So I realized I didn't put this up yesterday and it's 8:37 AM here, so I guess here we go.

I didn't get to talk to her much today, but the times that I did it was amazing, and I couldn't have felt better when I was talking to her.

Although today something terrible happened, it was something to do with my sibling, brother in fact. I won't get into much information or detail, because I want to keep it that way and it's my secret and I've only told 2 people about it. 

Anyways, let's skip that..today I really, really missed my best-friend Raven..she was my friend for about 2 years, we met in January, which is my favourite month because of her now and she made my bad days absolutely different. Our anniversary is: 

                                                                                February 14th, 10:15AM...

Let me tell you guys about her a little.

She was 10 when we first started talking and I was 10 too, it was 2 years ago, and let's just say she was my world. She was the bubbly type, the one who talked about boys in a flirtorious way, haha. Good old Raybird ey? She used to twirl her hair in my face smiling like a love-struck idiot and drooling over every hot guy she talked to, and I envied her...a lot.

She had brown ocean waves, lock hairstyle and had gorgeous blue eyes, she was incredible. The most beautiful girl I had seen, and still is. She wore a red and aqua bow ribbon in her hair everyday when we talked or even hanging, her amazing outfits and her choice of words confused and amazed me daily.

By the time she was 11, I bought her a huge yellow, cream-ish teddy bear...and it was the size of her height, like wtf?! That's not. A. normal. TEDDY. bear! (My awesome capitalizing.)

She loved it, she snatched it away from me when she took one glance of it, I mean her orange neon nails ripped my skin, but of course she didn't mean it and we cracked up laughing at her excitement. Her birthday was on March 16th, and she slept over at mine, that was the day she found out I cut, and I was 11 too, she gave me lots of presents that I keep in my room, on top of my bed till this day...but that's another part in my life, I'll tell you about soon.

Well, she found out and she was actually pretty calm about it, and I wondered why honestly. I was a kid you know? Kids are really curious at those times, and I asked her and she wouldn't tell me, I remember this quite frankly that I actually got on the floor, laying down, arms bent on the floor and palms clutched together and begged her.

            She eventually gave up...

She lifted up her dress higher then her panties, to her waist and stomach to only reveal and expose..everywhere..scars..fresh blood too, dried as well, guess she doesn't notice it, but I do clean after I cut. I'm guessing she doesn't, is what I actually thought at the moment. I gasped and she started crying, letting her tears fall down as she had held her face in her hands, I got off the floor and onto my bunk bed and started hugging her, pulling her dress down..and at that moment my father and mother had come in and asking what all the trouble and fuss and crying was about, and she literally got up and wanted to go home.

We never talked about it until I turned 12, which was last year..she told me everything that had happened in her life, and I felt nothing but sorrow and pity, and I wanted to save her like she wanted to save me as I told her everything in my life too. I felt her pain...and she felt mine.

We were blood sisters, the actual blood sisters, we connected our blood and everything!

She died though...she died and committed suicide..because of her fucking ugly-ass mother-fucking cunt of a fuckkkkkkk! Her parents okay?! HER FUCKING PARENT WERE THE FUCKING REASON TO THE WHOLE FUCKING DAMN DEATH! :'(

I'll publish my video again soon, the one that tells you about how she committed suicide and her letter...okay, alright?!

It's been a year now since she left me...which was April 9th; 4:54 AM.

I remember everything about her, how I screamed at her parents. Still celebrating her birthday and every other event like; Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving etc...at her grave.

How I sang her favourite song at her funeral..."When She Cries." By Britt Nicole. She used to sing this to me, and I remember her voice just like she was hear next to me...oh how I miss her so much.

I didn't expose anything to anyone though, her secrets were kept with me...only her self-harming is shared with you, but the rest I will never, NEVER tell. She was too god damn precious to fucking lose, how Raybird...why did you have to leave me? We were going to run-away together hapilly when we turned 15, maybe even 14 remember? I might come next to you and live with you one day up in heaven, but if only I get accepted into that place, and so help me I will kill god if he sent you to that fucking hell! Do you hear me? You won't even give me any signs that you're okay.. :(

When we were 18 we were gonna rent out an apartment remember? Start a bakery store together, I remember everything Raven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( WE HAD OUR WHOLE FUCKING LIVES PLANNED OUT! Fuck you we used to say to each other, and I used to reply back; I love you too baby, and you always blushed and chuckled away. Sometimes you used to say that to me and I would give you the same reaction..haha.

Well, bye Wattpad, that was all for today, I'd write more but this is just gonna be writing about her and I don't think you wanna read 58 pages... bye, I think this is how I"ll end it for today, I"ll write again tonight for as it is a new day! xx

*Amazing Photgraphy By Coby Farhitt. (Raven.. :'c.).