Barely Breathing

Chapter 8

Monday came faster then expected. It was Sunday night and I was "eating" in my room. I completely forgot about the timeline sitting on my desk. I did the unexpected and actually doodled on it. 

Hours that seemed like minutes went by before I was fully done. I colored the background in and drew the white house, a top hot, and the monument of Abe in around the timeline, I hate to toot my own horn but it was pretty amazing, like I printed it out of the computer. 

I was actually kind of proud of it. I laid down and got my laptop out from under the blankets where I left it when I fell asleep. I pulled up tumblr and scrolled through my dash. It was  mostly boring old gifs of people biffing it. I wasn't amused. 

I pulled up my blog and made a update. 

OutCastL00kingIn- 

I tried. I really did try. The beast inside is winning this battle and the next until they're all over. I wasn't looking forward to these battles. My stomach was killing me for the torture, my brain manipulating me into things I do and don't want at the same time. My bones aching from the abuse I put it through thanks to my brain and stomach. My heart's beat getting slower and slower. 

I tried. I tried to eat candy or popcorn at the movies with my brother, but it all just came up back up. The whole work of it, more than what I had in me even. The pain was unreal. Everywhere felt as if I was being stabbed unless I rolled into a ball and doubled over. 

I'm getting to the point where water doesn't even want to go in. My hands shake as the botle or glass is brought to my dry chapped lips. The water doesn't go down, it sits in my mouth filling it as if it were a river. The rain's so heavy that a flood occurs and it comes out all over my lap. I can't do it. 

This battle is already lost. The beast inside has won. 

I posted and closed my laptop. I slowly made myself sit up and the pain increased. I slowly swung my legs over the bed and onto the cold wood floor. The cold making my toes numb on contact. I made my way to my bag that held my books and notepad. In the bottom was a gum pack, the wrappers folded back in to look like it was full and in use, but in the very bottom was a little silver razor taped in. You wouldn't see if it you didn't know it was there. I let the razor fall out into the palm of my hand. 

This razor in practicular hasn't been used. It came from a pencil sharpner. I had it as a back up, and right now I definatly needed it. 

I reached my left arm out balled my hand into a fist that faced upward, my arm was bare and ready for it's destiny.

A loud crash comes from outside my window. I freeze and whip around to face it, I was gonna regret that, I ran over to it adrenaline pumping through my body, who was there? No animal would have made that noise, I heard fast steady breathing, someone had paniced too, but who? Maybe some stupid kid from school, maybe one of my biggest bullies watching me for blackmail, but the question was how much did they see and who was it? 

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School. A six letter word that can crush a teens sould in 5 seconds. It's pure torture, worse than Hades underworld, or so we think right now. In the end we almost always wish we were back in the world and not forever burning. My point being I was headed right to the gates of hell that wasn't exactly for the dead, but the lving. 

I made my way past the doors and went to my locker. I pulled my books out and set them into my bag as I always did, but something felt different, I felt a presence, the hall appeared to be empty. I let out a breath out my nose and slammed my locker shut. 

I whirled around to head to class but a boulder was in the hallway and I ran straight into it. 

It wasn't a boulder. It was Luke Heroes. The school athlete hottie. Every girl wanted to date him and every guy wanted to be him or in his inner circle, his best mate, Ryan Los was 2nd hottest and wanted guy in school, currently single after a break up with Madison Richards, the head cheerleader and dance team captain, every girl wanted to be her, she's been with both Luke and Ryan. 

I fell. The hit was harder on me since I barely had balance or strength to begin with. His hand snakes around my waist and catches me. 

"Woah there, didn't mean to startle you." he smiles, he had one of those smiles that just memorise you. You only come across those 3 or 4 times in your life. 

"I'm sorry.. didn't.. uh... see you..." I stammer as I take his hand off my waist, it lingered too long for my liking. 

"That's because I just got here, say, do you live on Williams street?" I froze. How did he know that? He can't be MY stalker, I'm the school freak, if his friends saw us he'd be dead.

A voice fills the hall before I can stammer a answer. 

"Luke, man what are you doing with... her?" Devon William, 6th hottest guy in school. 

"She fell and I was helping her, gotta do some charity work man." Luke lies on the spot, at least about the falling. 

"Don't let me see that again." Devon looks at me, disgust fills his face. Am I that bad? 

"Ignore him." Luke states as Devon enters the boys locker room, "he's got a big head since he's Madison's new toy." he rolls his eyes. "So answer my question?" 

the bells rings. I let my breath out that I didn't realize I was holding. 

"I gotta get to class." I slip away in the sea of students heading to class and for once in my life, I wish I was more invisible to reality. 

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Lunch. The hour of my school day that I actually look forward too. I sit on my car laying against the window and look into the sky. I loved being outside. I put Linkin Park on and made shapes out of the clouds. A ship. A fish. A trident. 

"This spot taken?" 

I knew that voice. It was Luke. 

"What do you want?" I retort looked at him as he pulled me out of my daze. 

"Just to talk." 

"Yeah okay, the great popular Luke wants to talk to the school freak, next thing you know unicorns will be discovered and I will find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow." I roll my eyes and they land on Luke. He was smiling. A real smile. I smiled a little but covered it. I can't let him get to me, not again. 

"You're not a freak, we used to be good friends till Shayla-" 

"You don't say that name around me." I looked away taking deep breaths. I couldn't cry in front of him. No. 

"It's okay to cry sometimes Lena, you can't just bottle it all up." his eyes are soft and inviting when I meet his gaze. I lost my bravery and my walls caved. 

I wept in Luke Heroes arms and he rocked me and played with my hair. How could I let my walls down like that? He was a jerk to me, he set me up, he made things worse. 

I remember I vowed to never forgive him, yet today I let my walls down. Maybe because he was a old friend, maybe because he was one third of our trio when She was around. I don't know what got into me, but one thing is for sure, Luke Heroes cried with me.