The Spark - Carl's Interstellar Crisis

Chapter 3 - A New World

           Later that day, Carl let his new homies sling themselves out on his surprisingly large couch, which he scavenged from a decrepit alleyway on a trip to the city. The majority of the strange, alien robots, as usual, were seated with their bodies creating perfect ninety degree angles, their heads perfectly still, fixed upon the TV screen, which was now playing the evening news. Carl counted the number of computers in the network, and saw that there were exactly ten robot-humans chilling on his couch. The same majority seemed very uncomfortable in their perches, even for rigid robots; one of them complained, "I detect that our physical units are being rested upon a suede couch. The friction created by this material has the potential to harm our machinery, so it is advisable for us to remain standing."

All of them stood up, save one, Albert I, who sat with legs spread wide apart in a position resembling languor. Carl broke into a cackle and complimented his new friend Albert I on being so different.

"Why, thank you very much; I believe my associates here could use a bit of that good good over there, and loosen up, you know?"

This caused Carl to go into a hysteria, as Albert I was obviously displaying an absolute disparity in his demeanor compared to the other hybrids. "So, Albert, do you know what your friends want to do next? I mean, they seem like alright fellows, but I'm not sure they can go outside without causing a stir, ya know?"

Albert I turned to his peers, and entered a trance-like state, in which he paused for a few moments without movement. After this phase, he answered, "My friends here have decided to let you decide what to do next, but with this advice: Remember that you are leading the introduction process for an alien species, so make sure your actions are appropriate and relevant to satisfying our desire for a peaceful exchange with humanity."

Carl took his time to ponder at this and, after a few seconds, he said, "Yeah, sure . . . so wanna have some dinner? I could order some Domino's if you guys want any."

The audience looked dumbfounded, Albert I, as usual, took the initiative and queried, "May I inquire as to the definition of Domino's? We have a recent dictionary downloaded on our systems, but the way in which you refer to dominoes doesn't correspond with our understanding of the word, unfortunately."

"Domino's is a pizza place, of course, and a real big one too. Oh yeah!"

"Ah, indeed. On this note, may we connect ourselves to a computer of your world? It would greatly enhance our ability to understand this world, if we could connect to the internet . . ."

"Sure thing," allowed Carl, as he went to retrieve his laptop from his bedroom. When he returned, he handed over his 1-year-old Asus laptop to Albert I. "Here you go, man."

"What an unwieldy thing!" exclaimed Albert I, who continued, "Sorry, our computers implanted on our bodies are much smaller than this, you see."

Carl, at hearing this, really started to wonder where they came from. "It's no problem, Al." Carl realized that he probably should have been a bit more moved by the extraordinary events taking place inside his house; unfortunately for him, however, he felt himself on the swift decline from his bong hits earlier that day, so his weariness balanced out his bewilderment.

Albert I turned the laptop on, and did something disturbing singular with his finger. Placing his hand next to the USB ports, he willed his finger to shape itself into a USB plug, and inserted himself into the female. The receiving computer let out a slight hum as it processed the penetrating system. As the computer screen made fireworks out of countless internet searches being done at a rapid-fire rate, Albert I quivered and gasped at an inconceivably large flow of data, going from the internet to his memory banks. Unfortunately for the other extraterrestrials, the PC started emitting a cascade of violent sparks that forced Albert I to unplug himself immediately. After that, the laptop was sent into a conflagration that threatened to spread to Carl's coffee table. Carl dashed toward his pantry, where he kept his fire extinguisher, and proceeded to douse the flames with an eruption of white smoke that enveloped the majority of his living room.

"Well, that was dramatic," observed Albert I, who said this with a blank stare on his face, as he tried to process all the data that he just received.

"You gotta be kidding me, that computer was almost new!" exclaimed the now inflamed Carl, who now stood erect with his fists balled into red receptacles of anger. "Did you at least get that damn info you wanted?"

"Yes, indeed, and I have just shared it with my companions. Ah, I see why you're so angry. That computer I just destroyed looks to be about $750 on amazon.com . . . sorry about that."

"You're damn right you're sorry, and how the hell did you know that, I didn't know you were shopping for new computers on that thing already," Carl was frustrated, but also had his curiosity piqued by this quandary.

"I suppose I didn't state the specific things that I would search on the internet, mainly because I have searched through everything on the internet and now have it all on my hard drive," replied Albert I with a smug tone underscoring his last explanation.

Although he was impressed by this revelation, Carl replied nonchalantly, "Still doesn't bring my computer back . . ."

"Believe me, Carl, as our ambassador I am sure you will receive the just pecuniary sum in return for your services, which I am sure will be extravagant considering your high position as arbiter of our landing on Earth."

Carl allowed an elfin grin to invade his expression. "Ah, yes, that's quite alright. So, how about that pizza, guys?"