Always on the Inside

All these Questions

There is a barn in the pasture behind my house. I go there almost everyday to draw people, people doing things that I have not yet experienced. I want to but I live outside of the society. You see, I always have, the only human contact I get is my kin.

I've always wondered what is beyond the pastures that I explore, I would always ask my mother when I was younger but she would always say: "The things that are left unknown should stay unknown for that I have explored the outside world, its is something you do not want to be apart of. "

I've learned to stop asking after a few years, because I  would get the exact same answer every time. So I try to set my curiosity aside and go on. I've been bottling it up inside for about three years, what makes it harder is that there is a barbed wired fence behind the barn separating me and what I've been curious about my whole life. Right outside the fence is a road, sometimes I watch the fast metal boxes pass by, counting them, looking at how many colors and varieties I can find, at night time they light up, I love to watch them light up.

I've packed up all the things I would need to explore the unknown a few times, but I could never find to courage to even touch the fence, so I would just sit in the top of the barn and draw everything that fills my imagination, and dreams. There is always a boy in them, he is very handsome. I always wake up right after he tells me to look for him. In my dreams we do weird things, like put our arms around each other then he would put his lips up against mine. So I would draw that a lot, and I would sketch him, his eyes were brown and so was his hair. He has the most gorgeous smile, it felt like it wasn't a dream sometimes. Most of the time wished that it wasn't just a dream.

I closed my sketchbook and I put my pencil between the pages. I put the book in my plain black backpack, and I toss it over my shoulder. I climb down the ladder and walk down the narrow dusty path leading to my house.  With my little grey shoes that I've had since I was a young girl, but they are so old so they have been duck taped because the souls were almost gone, I have other shoes but these brought back memories, so I wear them when I go on adventures, or to the barn.

I drop my bag next to the door, so it will be ready for me to leave in the morning. As I open the old wooden door I see my mother sitting in the dining room and my kid brother looking at me in disapproval.

"What happened?"

"I looked through your sketch, the old one that you left on your desk. Why is there the same boy in almost every page? Have you been going to the outside world?" She had my book in her hands "Why are you doing things with him? Things that you should not know about yet? Your only fifteen, your way too young for this."

"Why were you looking through my stuff in the first place!?"

"Tell me! Did you go to the outside or not." She said it while she grinded her teeth in frustration, it isn't fair that she babies me so much its actually inhumane.

"No I did not go to the outside world mother."

"Then how do you know about all these things that you shouldn't know about?"

"I've been dreaming about it, I keep seeing the same guy and every dream, and he always tells me to come find him, what does that even mean!?"

"Go to your room Jack, I need to talk to Alice." My kid brother trots off to his room he wasn't happy, and neither was my mom.

Ill be making chapter two tomorrow, hope yall enjoyed!! Please comment what you think, I always comment back :)