My Chronic Shyness...

WEST GERMANY...

     From the very first Motown record that I heard, music flowed through my veins and made a direct path to my heart.  My dad was enlisted in the U.S. Army and received orders to report to a base in West Germany.  It was a tour of duty where he could take us along so we all moved to West Germany.  Now this was in the 1970's, at the height of the Cold War, so Germany was divided into east and west.

We lived in apartment style living quarters with other American military families.  It was Army related so the buildings were a drab desert tan color. They were four stories tall with the fourth floor designated as an attic and additional storage space.  As you walked inside the front door, straight ahead was the staircase that led to each unit. Off to the right, there was a flight of stairs that led down to the basement. There was more storage space and a washers and dryers down there so tenants could do their laundry.  On our side of the building, my Dad was the highest ranking soldier and, believe it or not,  that meant that he was responsible for the building upkeep and cleanliness. As luck would have it, shit rolls downhill so that left my brother and I to carry the bulk of the grunt work.

"Hello Ricky," Tammy said with a smile that could brighten the darkest night.

Now Tammy was my age. She was a very pretty little white girl who I knew from school. She had long, light brown hair and blue eyes.  Little freckles were splattered about her cheeks and her skin was becoming rosy from the exposure to the cold.  She wore a pink tee shirt that poked out from underneath her jacket, a denim jean skirt that stopped just above her knees, black platform shoes, and a pretty pink jacket with fur around the hood.  During this time in the U.S., race relations weren't the best but, due to the fact that we were just kids, none of that mattered. We had no idea that we weren't supposed to like each other! Immediately I stopped raking and rose my head just enough to see her face without her noticing.  I was wearing a pair of beat up tennis shoes, awkward fitting blue jeans, a plain brown tee shirt, and a dark green, light jacket.  My parents thought that it was cute for Earl Jr. and I to wear the same clothes so he had a jacket just like it.

 "Hi Tammy," I said with apprehensive excitement.

"Whatcha doing?" She asked.

"I'm raking up all of these leaves with my brother," I explained as I motioned to the rest of the mess that we had to clean up.

It was the middle of fall so all of the leaves had fallen from the trees and covered the entire yard. I was taking the pile of leaves and putting them in plastic trash bags. My brother Earl was off doing the same in another section of the yard.

"Do you need help?" Tammy asked.

"Nope," I said as I topped off another bag full of leaves.  I said no not because we couldn't use the help but no because I felt uneasy and embarrassed being that close to her.

I was a little dude at the time. I was all of five years old. I was told that I had a smile that made other people smile.

"Here let me help," Tammy insisted as she walked closer in my direction.

I tied the bag that I was working on and began walking over to the sidewalk so I could sit it down next to the other bags.  Then, Tammy looked at me and I looked at her. We both had an unspoken liking for one another; as much as two five year olds could have. I  looked at her sideways and smiled.  A huge grin came across her face from ear to ear.  All at once, she began chasing me across the yard.  Normally, I was a fast little dude so there was no way that she was going to catch me; however, I still had the bag of leaves in my hands so I ran a little slower than normal.  

"Come here boy," she shouted as she was gaining on me with a mischievous look on her face.

I just ran around in circles with a big grin on my face.  The bag was pretty full so I struggled a bit to hold it off the ground.  This went on for several minutes.  I was running blindly because I couldn't see over the bag out in front of me. Then, out of nowhere, I tripped on a rake that was laying flat on the ground and fell partially on my stomach and partially on the bag. The bag of leaves busted all over the ground. Tammy got out of dodge like a child would do out of nervousness and fear. I laid there smiling and laughing because I know that it looked funny when I fell.   I had wanted her to catch me but I wouldn't dare.  This would be one of my first accounts of understanding that girls made me feel a certain way...