Restoring Eternity

Chapter 8

I can’t believe I just fucking threw myself on him like that! God, I’m such a slut, I thought pacing my room as quietly as I could so Blakely wouldn’t wake up. What the hell is wrong with me?

            I took a deep breath, knowing what I had to do. I went back in the living room where Austin was sitting. He still looked totally surprised. And hard.

            “Austin, I know what I did was wrong,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have said or did what I did and I know-“ he cut me off by kissing me.

            His soft lips felt so good on mine that I moaned into his mouth and grabbed his shirt and pulled him even closer to me. He was still hard, and I felt his erection against my stomach. Suddenly, flashes rocketed through my mind. Flashes of Scott. Jacking off to me bleeding, lying on the ground after he'd raped me. Helpless. Weak.

            “Austin-“ I said, but I was muffled by him kissing my neck. I tried to squirm free, but he took it as me playing and jerked me back to him. He slid his hands under my shirt, quickly unclasping my bra.

            “Austin!” I screamed, yanking myself out of his arms and throwing myself across the room, cowering on the couch. I broke down sobbing, crossing my arms in front of my body. “I can’t,” I said, my voice shaking. “I can’t do it.”

            “Drew, I’m so fucking sorry,” Austin said, coming to me. “I’m such a dick.”

            “Don’t,” I said when he tried to hug me. “Just don’t. I feel so dirty.”

            “Drew,” Austin said softly, brushing his fingers against my cheek. They felt like knives. I shuddered again, sniffing.

            “I’m not ready,” I said. “S-Scott, he just- he took everything. Everything. It’s always gonna come flashing back, Austin. I’m such a fucking baby, I know. I should just get over it, but it’s hard.”

            “Don’t even say that,” Austin said empathetically. “I know the feeling of not being able to forget tragedy. You’re not a baby. Take as much time as you need. I can wait,” he said. “As long as you need me to.”

            “Sometimes I think you came out of a dream,” I said. “You’re perfect.”

            “No,” Austin said, laughing bitterly. “Far from it. Showing compassion doesn’t make me perfect. Treating girls with respect doesn’t make me perfect.”

            “You’re perfect to me,” I insisted.

            “Well-“

On cue, Blakely started wailing. I sighed, getting up, but Austin gently pushed me back down. “I’ll get the baby,” he said. “You rest, okay?”

            “O-Okay,” I said uncertainly. “Just try to rock her back to sleep, okay?”

            “I got this,” Austin said, grinning, then patted my arm and jogged into my room.

Austin’s POV

Blakely was lying on her stomach in the middle of Drew’s huge bed. Her room was bright blue, and all over the walls were white, fluffy clouds. She actually had clouds painted on her wall. The whole room was peaceful. Serene.

            Not to Blakely, though. She was still screaming, her face red. It was starting to drive me crazy. I picked her up, patting her on the back and bouncing her up and down. Nothing. She was still crying. I went out of Drew’s room to ask her if I should feed her.