ColorBlind (Book #2 of S.H.A.D.E.) ✔

Forgiveness

25.

I lay beside Copper, who is sleeping soundly.

I can't fall asleep. I'm scared I'll wake up to find him not breathing. I keep checking his gauze that is layered thickly around his torso to see if his wound is bleeding through.

"You're okay.... you're okay...." I murmur to him sleepily now and then, running my fingers through his hair. This is probably for my own sake though, to reassure myself that he is going to pull through.

He has one arm around me so that I am tucked in close to his side, insistent even though I can't see how comfortable he is in such a position, on his stomach. But at least he's in a bed, somewhere safe.

Indigo knows all the hiding spots around here. Copper was right, he has proven to be useful. We are in the basement of an old house that has been refurbished and refurnitured for Shades from other countries to stop by in when on missions. We were lucky that it was empty when we got here.

Indigo had ordered Onyx and I to bring Copper to the kitchen and to place him face down on the island there as a makeshift operating table.

It was awful. Removing Bellona from his back caused rivers of blood to open up and pour off the sides, making puddles on the floor.

I pressed as much pressure as I could against the bleeding, doing my best to ignore Copper's pained screams. Indigo found medical supplies kept just in case of situations such as this, but it took hours to get Copper into a stable position, clean the wound properly, and to staunch the blood, stitching up the shredded ends of his flesh.

"It missed his spine, thank God," Indigo said, removing his latex gloves that were drenched in blood, "but he's at a high risk of infection, and without the proper equipment, I can't tell how bad anything inside is."

I nodded, utterly exhausted. "But he has a good chance of living?"

"If we keep his wound from opening up and keep it clean, he has a shot of making it through this."

I let out a sigh of relief, resting my head against the island, holding Copper's hand. ".... Thank God. "

"Let's get him off this bloody thing."

We all lifted him again to one of the rooms that were made up. The whole place is pretty bare, only having what is necessary, but I was never so happy to see a lumpy, stained bed in all my life.

"Someone should stay with him," Onyx had said.

"I will," I offered, and they both nodded like they knew it would be me. "Micheal Benson is still in the trunk. Someone should bring him water or something," I said as an afterthought.

"I guess we can't have him boil to death..." Onyx sighed wistfully, going off to tend to our prisoner.

"Alright, if you need a break, come get me and I'll stay with him. Keep checking his bandages in case the stitches aren't enough and he starts bleeding again," Indigo instructed me.

In that moment, I took him in. I saw who he really was, the person I had been denying because I wanted someone to blame for my Swatch being murdered.

The only one to blame is Silver, I realized, and Gray for breaking Micheal Benson out in the first place and being a spy for the Necro Proxy. Indigo had always worn his status as a Shade as a badge of honor, because he thought he was making a difference in the world, saving people from Demons. He never intended to harm anyone, he never wanted to be used to destroy lives.

I nodded at him as he turned to leave me with Copper, looking down at my feet, ashamed of myself. "Indigo...?"

He stopped, looking back. "Yes?"

"I'm...well... thank you."

The severity of his expression broke, his eyes softening, giving me a small smile. "Really, it's the very least I can do after..."

"I-I forgive you," I said quickly at first, knotting my fingers together. "Yes. I forgive you. And I hope that-- that you can forgive me?"

He stared at me and I stared back. We saw each other maybe for the first time. I was not the experiment he caught as I dashed out of that industrial plant what seemed like forever a go, and he was no longer the cold-blooded surgeon of S.H.A.D.E. that I thought he was.

"I do," he said. "I don't know what possibly for, but if you need to hear it, I do."

We left each other like that, and I sat down on the bed, staring down at Copper, praying under my breath to whoever might be listening to let him stay with me.

It was maybe an hour or so into my watch that I heard him stir. His eyes flicked open, scared at first, but when the haze cleared and he recognized me, he instantly relaxed.

"....away," he murmured.

"Huh?" I said, moving closer to hear him. "What was that?"

"You're too far away," he said weakly, an arm coming up to curl around my shoulders and draw me to him.

"I'm gonna hurt you!" I protested.

"Ah, stop," he muttered, his forehead resting against mine. I smiled at him being so normal despite having a freaking axe wound to the back. He drifted off again shortly after that.

And here I am, just staring at him as he peacefully sleeps. I don't want to leave him alone, I don't want to worry him.

But in a moment, I'm leaving to go kill Gray.

And then I'm going to take Micheal Benson and the remaining technology to Gold and negotiate our freedom.

I want to do this on my own. I will not lose someone else, not to them. And I am finally strong enough to do so, to take control of my life again.

I lean forward after a moment of memorizing Copper's face, his long eyelashes, his straight nose, his lips that are pursed in his sleep. He's probably fighting off a nightmare after all that happened today. I press a kiss to his lips, and when I pull back,  he is no longer grimacing, but their is a ghost of a smile tugging at them and he breathes a contented sigh.

I kiss his forehead, get up, grab Bellona, and head out.