50 Shades of Jonas

Chapter 6: Keventh Heaven

“There’s something I want to do with you,” Kevin told me. “I want us to go to get shaved.”

What a romantic sounding date! “Get Shaved is my favorite restaurant! I’d love to go there with you, Kevin!”

“I think you’re misunderstanding me, baby. Let me show you to my room.” I followed him down the hallway, but I was scared. Joe was waiting somewhere for us. We stepped in his room and he turned on the light. There were no signs of Joe yet, even though I could sense he was nearby. “Where did I leave that razor?” Kevin asked himself.

He went on searching while I saw, lying on his bedside table, his diary title: Kevin Jonas: a Life of V-Necks. I made sure he wasn’t looking over at me as I opened it up for a quick read. “You’re pretty, Lauren,” Kevin said out of the blue and I blushed as I felt pretty. Luckily he didn’t notice the diary in my hands.

I started to read. “Entry #1: My full name is Paul Kevin Jonas II. I was born November 5, 1987 in Teaneck, New Jersey, even though my hometown is Wyckoff, New Jersey. My nickname is K2, because that’s the name of my favorite mountain of all time. Lauren is pretty. I have two Disney Channel shows: Jonas LA and Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream. I have three younger brothers, Joe, Nick, and Frankie. I have put out four albums with my band, the Jonas Brothers. The first one was called It’s About Time, the second one was called Jonas Brothers, the third one was called A Little Bit Longer, and the fourth one was called Lines, Vines, and Trying Times. We were nominated for the Grammy Award for Best New Artist, but sadly didn’t win because of some British bitch named Adele. I played Jason Gray in Camp Rock and it’s sequel Camp Rock 2: the Final Jam. My dogs’ names are Riley and Daisy. Lauren is pretty. I started a charity named Change for the Children, where we take the children of the world and change them so that their peers will like them better. I plan to meet my wife in the Bahamas, and her name will be Danielle Deleasa. Together we will star in my third hit TV show, Living With Jonas. But my one true dream is to be on Minute to Win It, the greatest show to ever grace America’s television screens. Lauren is pretty. Until next time, Kevin <3” said the first entry in his diary. I felt pretty as I read it.

“I can’t find the razor, so I guess we can’t go to get shaved right now,” Kevin said disappointedly as I immediately put the diary down so he wouldn’t know I was reading it. I heard a car door slam and I figured Nick was home from his trip to the hospital. I wanted to go say hi, but Kevin walked over to the light switch and turned it off.

The room was dark. All I could see was the glimmer of a small object resting on the floor. But what was the shiny doodad? I reached for it to find out. Suddenly his hand touched mine. “Lauren,” he said “I need to ask you an important question.”

“What is it, Kevin?” I responded shyly. Even though it was dark I knew he was looking longingly in my eyes. Kevin always knew how to make me feel pretty. “What have I got in my pocket?” he asked.

My first instinct was to say his penis, but that seemed too obvious. I bent down and picked up the shining object. It was his ring (http://www.jared.com/en/jaredstore/cross-heart-purity-ring-diamond-accent-sterling-silver), meaning that wasn’t the thing in his pocket. In my hand I fiddled with the ring as I thought over his question. “Well…?” he said wanting an answer immediately. I shook my head and through the darkness Kevin could sense I truly did not know the answer.

“It’s my penis.” he said cockily. He slowly began to unzip his pants’ zipper. I leaned into to his embrace when a loud knocking erupted from the locked door. “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE WITH HER, KEVIN! SHE’S NOT MEANT FOR YOU. SHE’S MINE.” yelled the familiar voice of Nick.

“She’s all of ours.’” said a deep, mysterious voice from the darkness. It was Joe. He walked up to the door and unlocked it; Nick made his grand entrance. The three of them surrounded me, and I couldn’t help but think of a simpler time.

All four of us made our way to Kevin’s bed for the night. Love each other.