Just A Little Insane

Morning

When I wake up, I hear voices coming from the living room. I roll over and grab my phone from the nightstand beside me. I turn it on to check the time. 8:44. I roll onto my back and rub my eyes. Then I climb out of bed.

     I've been here for three months now and I've adjusted to the temperatures but, in prison, I was never cold or hot. It was always perfect, and after almost three years of that, going back to being cold is hard. So when I roll out of bed, the fridges cold hits hard. I shiver and grab a blanket before heading down the hall.

     "Good morning, Zoe," says Layla when I make down the hall. "Good morning," I reply plainly. Then, I look over and see Lincoln sitting on the other couch. "Hello," he says. I smile and say hello back. I don't like that I came out looking the way I did. My hair was a mess and I was still in my pajamas. "Lincoln is here to talk about our annual Christmas party," Layla says excitedly. "This early in the morning?" I ask. They both laugh. "Yeah. And I just got here, so really, it's not that early," Lincoln says. "Why the heck are you planning a Christmas party now?" I ask. "December is in a week," Layla says. "We need to get started now. These parties are huge. It takes a lot of planning." I nod my head and chuckle. "
While they discussed their plans,I sat on the couch next to Lincoln and pretended to read a book. Really I listen to all their ideas and occasionally giving in my own input. Lincoln would laugh any time I said anything, mainly because they told me not to interrupt, but I did anyways.

     After awhile I got bored of their conversation and went to get dressed. I chose a nice pink blouse with flower designs on it and I throw a purple sweater in top. Then, I put mint green sweat pants on. It may not match well, but it is really comfortable.

I walk into the bathroom and brush my brown wavy hair out. But even after I brush it, it is still all frizzy and crazy. I grab a hair tie from the cabinet and braid my hair from the top of one side of my head and around the back and let the rest if my hair hang on my shoulder.

Then, I find some makeup. I don't wear it very often. Usually only when Lincoln is over. I used to be a pro at putting on makeup, but I guess nearly three years in prison made me forget everything I knew. So now, I just wear the basic stuff instead of going all out like I used to.

When I'm finally presentable, I head back out.

"Well you look nice," Layla says when she sees me. I smile and go and take my seat by Lincoln. "So what is this all about?" I ask. "For the past couple years, the people nearby get together for a big Christmas party and we dance, and have dinner and just have fun," Lincoln explains. "This year, we were asked to plan it and make it happen."

I nod my head. "So when is it?" I ask. "Christmas Eve," Layla says smiling proudly. "And am I invited?"

Lincoln nods. "Of course. Anyone in town 18 years or older can come," he explains. "Alright sounds fun. What's the point?" I ask. I do not do anything if there is not a point to it. "To get to know people around grown and to celebrate Christmas," Layla says. I knew she was ready with that answer. I nod my head in approval. "I plan on being there. What time?"

"7 to 11:30. Don't come to early or to late. And don't stay longer than 11. Things get crazy if you break those rules," Lincoln says. "Wait but you said it last till 11:30. Why can't I stay until then?" I ask. "Things get insane. Everyone just flips out," Layla says. "Okay..." I say slowly. "I got to go," Lincoln says getting up from the couch. "Oh alright," Layla says. My heart doesn't want him to go yet, but my brain says let him. I decide brains are for nerds.

"Wait, so soon?" I ask. "Oh, you want me to stay?" He asks, stoping. "Why not? I make great pancakes."

"Is that okay with you?" Lincoln asks Layla. She shrugs and I celebrate on the inside, while my brain punches me over and over. "Alright. I'll stay. But on one condition. Layla," he says and Layla looks up at him. "You make the pancakes. I heard that yours are better."

Everyone laughs and Layla nods and heads to the kitchen, leaving me and Lincoln alone. "So, how are you?" He asks. "I'm managing," I say nodding. "Just managing? Why is that?" He asks as he takes a seat on the couch across from me.

I want to tell him that my life has been ruined by prison and I will never get back the life before. But I'm afraid he won't believe that I didn't kill him. I didn't kill Dan. I never would.

So instead, I just shrug. "How about you?" I ask. "I'm pretty good. But there is something I want to know. You don't have to answer if you don't want to," he says. "Okay..." I say. "Alright. Why are you different? What made you different?" Lincoln asks. "What do you mean?" I ask taken aback.

"Layla said that you were a different person a couple years ago. That you are a completely different person than the one she knew before. I asked her why and she said it wasn't her place to tell me. What happened?" He asks again.

I pause, not knowing what to say. "Um, I can't tell you what happened, but, I can tell you who I was before." I say.

This is the first time I've noticed that I was so different. How didn't I know? I didn't I realize that I'd changed? I can't tell Lincoln everything right now, but I can start small, and build up. Maybe one day, I will be able to tell him and he'll believe me. Maybe.