In Love With A Warbler

Chapter 20 : Alex and Nick argue

Chapter 20

Later...

Jeff POV

I stepped out of the shower, shaking. I just cut my wrists a few times, and I'm so scared Alex and Nick are going to be mad at me! 

I couldn't get my dad's words out of my ears. I was worthless. Pathetic. A disgrace to the family.

And I just had to make a few cuts to take away the pain.

But now I was extremely scared. Alex is going to hate me. Nick probably will too.

I quickly pulled on my pjs. And then I walked out. Alex was on her new phone, and Nick was on his laptop.

My heart was pounding inside of me as I climbed onto my bed, and quietly laid down about 3 feet from Alex.

"Jeff?"

I didn't need to look to know that Alex was looking at me.

"Are you alright?"

"No," I whispered.

"What's wrong?"

I burst into tears. 

"Jeff, what's wrong?"

"I d-did something b-bad!"

"What did you do?"

"C-cut!"

"You cut? Where?"

I pulled up my sleeves. It was easy to tell my new cuts apart from my old ones.

"Why did you do it?"

"I-I'm s-sorry! P-please d-don't h-hurt m-me!"

"Jeff, I'm not going to hurt you."

"D-do you h-hate me!?"

"No, of course not. I just want to know why you did it."

"T-to g-get rid of t-the p-pain!"

"From what?"

"M-my d-dad!"

"Why? What did he do?"

"H-he said I-I'm w-worthless. A-and a b-bunch of o-other t-things."

I was crying so much that I got hiccups. And I hated hiccups so much.

"Come here, Jeff. Just calm down first, ok?"

Alex held out her arms to me. She wasn't mad, and I was really surprised.

I quickly curled up in her arms. It felt so easy to calm down. I actually have someone who cares about me now. I have someone to comfort me when I'm upset. And I've never had that. I used to just curl up on my mattress or wherever I was locked away, and cry myself to sleep. And Alex doesn't make fun of me for crying like everyone else did.

"Jeff, can you tell me anything else about why you cut?" Alex asked.

"It helps me feel better," I mumbled into her shoulder.

"Well we need to find other ways for you to feel better, ok? If you ever feel like you want to cut, come to me, and we'll talk it out, ok?"

"Ok..."

I honestly didn't want to leave her arms. It feels so good to have someone hug me. 

I wrapped my arms around Alex, not wanting to let go. 

"Jeff?"

"What?"

"Nick and I are going to go downstairs to grab something to eat before we go to bed. Do you want anything?"

"No..."

"Are you sure? Are you hungry?"

"I guess a little..."

"We'll bring you something, ok?"

"Ok..."

I let go of Alex, and laid down in her bed. She and Nick left, and I heard the door lock.

Alex POV

"You have to be more stern about the whole cutting thing. He can't think that it's ok, and we're just going to forgive him so easily!" Nick said, as we walked down the stairs.

"Nick. Let's just wait and see what happens, ok? Maybe he'll come to me. Right now he still feels like he has nobody he can go to. He's still working on trusting us. Go easy on him."

"I just think we can't be too nice, otherwise he'll just think that he can do anything he wants, and we'll just say, do better next time."

"Nick. Trust me. I'm closer to him than you are. He'll come to me next time. He trusts me."

"If you say so..."

"He does! And if you were around more, he'd trust you more too!"

"I'm busy studying!"

"Well quit studying, and come help me fix our roommate!"

"Whatever, Alex."

I shoved Nick's shoulder, and he shot me a glare.

"Nick, all Jeff wants is love, affection, comfort, safety, and to be accepted by someone. He never got any of that from his dad. We need to take this slowly, and let Jeff make mistakes so we can teach him how to handle himself."

"Well have fun with that."

"Wait!"

I grabbed his arm to make him stop walking.

"What happened to being a team player in helping fix Jeff!? This was your idea in the first place, and now it's like I'm doing all the work!" I said, trying not to yell.

"I'm busy trying to keep my grades up! And I have to teach everything to you two! The only reason I can teach it to you and Jeff is because I work on it with Trent and David, and they help me understand it! I'm responsible for helping us all pass our classes! It's not like I'm doing nothing! And part of Jeff's problem is his grades! So don't say I'm doing nothing, because I am! I don't see you helping him with his grades!"

"Wrong! I am helping him! I help him with his homework, test corrections, and we study together while you're off with your other friends, who are apparently more important! Are they as broken as Jeff!? Are they getting abused by their fathers!?"

"No."

"Exactly! They're not in danger! At least act like you care about Jeff!"

"I do care about him! But you're good at handling things, so I just let you do it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're a girl! You know about emotions and all that crap! I'm a guy! Guys don't talk about those sort of things!"

I sighed, annoyed.

"Well it wouldn't hurt if you learned," I said, walking past him.

"How would I learn!?"

I turned around, and Nick almost crashed into me.

"By joining in when I'm talking to Jeff! If you want him to trust you, you have to trust him. You have to give a little to get a little. I talk to him about how I'm feeling. And then he'll tell me how he's feeling. It doesn't need to be embarrassing, if that's what you're worried about. Just be honest, and let him know he can trust you."

"Alex, I don't have time for all that stuff, and I don't really feel comfortable talking about feelings and all that junk. I have better things to do."

"Oh yeah, like what!?"

"Like talk to my parents."

"Your parents? What's so important that you can't spare time to talk to Jeff?"

"My mom's dying from cancer."