With And Without You

Now: Shit Happens, Pt. 2

The door lock clicked and the door knob turned. I kept my eyes straight forward, not bothering to see who it was. I was sitting on the couch that faced the flat screen tv. With a glass of bourbon in my hand, as my arm laid on the armrest of the sofa. I was buzzed, I had been sitting here for 5 hours with nothing but a bottle of Bourbon and my feelings. Sounds like something a girl would do but with ice cream. Except the only thing I could do was brood, and as the minutes rolled by my anger boiled and it felt like I was a grenade about to explode. The only thing I could do was breathe and, with every fiber of my body, calm the fuck down.

I barely got mad, but when I did it was possible that I could lose my shit. The fact that she could forgive him so easily was revolting and scary. I think the anger, came from the fear, the fear that anything could take Victoria away from me. I have always been protective of the people I love. When I was about six my dad died in a car accident, I don't blame myself or am traumatized by it, it was just the fact that the people you love can just disappear, without you having a say on it. The situation with Victoria just opens my eyes, to see that some people are monsters, and they can, too, take love ones away from us.

I take a sip of the bourbon and let it slide down my throat, leaving a delicious burn in its path. I raise my other hand to my face wipe my nose and sniffle as I feel, more than see, a pair of blue eyes burn in to my skull.

"Have fun?" My irish accent thicker, because of the alcohol and anger that are driving my body.

When the silence stretched, I continued my inquiry, "Did ya fuck?" I smirked, taking a sip of what was remaining of the alcohol. "Did he pull your hair, did he use his tongue the way I do it? Did he-"

"Oh! For Fuck's sake Niall, is that what you want to hear? That I pulled his hair and screamed his name!?" She screamed at me.

That was enough! I threw the glass to the wall and it shattered to pieces around the flat. I stood up and faced her all in a rapid movement that even surprised me. But I was to fucking mad that I couldn't even think straight, much less give two fucks about how fast I got up.

I could feel my body burning, up to my neck, my eyes were bloodshot from crying and my fist were curled at my sides. I was feet away from Victoria but it felt like miles. She looked like me, if not worse, her hair was in a bun, her eyes bloodshot, her face pale and she looked just as angry but a little more sad than anything else. I could feel the slight liver of fear that passed through her eyes but was quickly blinked away.

"Oh better yet, did you enjoy him beating you?" The words were out of my mouth before I could process them.

Her eyes widened, her mouth opened and from it escaped a gasp. A single tear escaped from her eye and she whispered, "That's low".

I scowled, because of how stupid I had been for saying that.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a plastic bag from Tesco's I hadn't noticed before. I looked at it and frowned. Victoria noticed, dropped the bag and walked into our bedroom, locking the door behind her.

"Fuccckkkkk!" Screamed out of frustration and sadness and a shitload of other emotions I seriously didn't bother on deciphering.

I crouched down and snatched the bag from the floor, grabbed my car keys, coat and slammed the door behind me as I made my way to the elevator and out into the bitter cold. I stuffed the plastic bag into my pocket, it felt like a box but I would check what it was later.

I got in the car and slammed the door beside me. In the car the only thing that could be heard was my erratic breathing.

How could I be so heartless? I mean, I know I was going to say something that would hurt her, but she was right that was low. She knew what was waiting for her at the flat, I had only snapped at her once before but that is a very long story I really don't want to remember.