Ileana's Vlogs

#11

listen to song while reading. it really makes a difference :)

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-turns on camera-

Hey guys -waves-

I know it's been a really long time, but I've got some tough battles. 

Life's not easy, but it's worth living.

I've learned not to rely to much on other people to make you me happy. You have to rely on yourself for that. Don't be that one person who uses everyone else to make them happy. You can do it, ya know. You have the power to make yourself happy.

   I've also learned that love isn't something for kids. -rolls eyes- I know what you guys are thinking.."You're 15, what do you know about love?" 

   Well, I fell for this guy who didn't feel the same. But hey -shrugs- shit happens. I honestly thought him and I were gonna be something. We would never leave the other on read unless we had to go somewhere. We held hands in the hallway at school, he would kiss my forehead before he let me go to class. And when we hung out, I don't think I've ever laughed so much or been so happy in my entire life. He was great..but then I saw him holding hands with his ex, an hour after i just saw him.

-tears up-

   I don't think I have any words to describe the amount of pain i felt that day. I didn't know what to do, so i just stared. He saw me, and he gave me this worried look. He knew he got caught, and he had no words. He knew there was no way he could explain what I was seeing. But he tried. He let go of her hand and ran to me. I turned around and started walking away, but he caught up to me grabbed my book bag, but i slipped out of it and started walking away again. He dropped my bag and grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him. I couldn't help the tears that fell as i asked him what he wanted.

-takes a deep breath-

  He told me that they were just friends, and that it's not what it looks like. -laughs lightly-

  But that's what they all say right? I just looked at him and told him not to talk to me again. He looked at me like he was gonna cry. I could see the tears in his eyes, the ones he wouldn't let fall. He told me he loved me and that he didn't wanna lose me. I told him that if he loved me, then he wouldn't have held her hand.

  I felt like shit, and he knew that. He walked me to my bus and told me that he would make things right and that he would prove he loved me.

-shakes head-

He has yet to do anything he said he would. But it's whatever i guess. -wipes tears-

He's not worth my tears.

All I need to do is move on. 

-smiles weakly-

That's all for tonight loves...bye

-blows kiss and turns off camera-