Dear seo hye, i wish you weren't dead | k.jd

2019 | 10 | 10

Dear Jongdae,

Wow, this is kind of awkward. I can't remember the last time I've written a diary entry. I think I attempted to keep one back in junior high, but found that I couldn't write in it daily. Anyway, Jongdae, I want you to know that I don't blame you for what you did.

It wasn't your fault at all, and I don't understand why you kept blaming yourself. My death, it was in no way your fault either. Jongdae, I'm sorry that I was so oblivious to your feelings, and couldn't even recognize mine until after I died.

What a fool I was, and still am. If only I'd realized that I loved you before my death, but there's no point in dwelling on the past. No matter how much I want to go back, to be able to rewind yesterday, I know I'll never be able to.

Life's unfair, and I'm unfortunately learning this after mine ended. Kind of ironic, isn't it? I'm learning all kinds of things now that I'm dead. Jongdae, I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you, and unlike my death, yours actually was my fault.

I'm sorry that I had to die, I'm sorry that I didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sorry for my actions, and I'm sorry for my words. It truly was my fault that you felt the need to do what you did. I'm sorry, I just can't make myself say the word itself. Suicide. That word disgusts me to no end right now.

Although I know it's impossible, I really do wish that we can meet again. I can only dream such a possibility, and I'm sorry that it can't be. Jongdae, I don't deserve happiness, if anyone does, you do. You went through nothing but hardship and suffering, and in the end were just resulted with me dying, and ending your own life.

Remember that night, two nights before my death? It was that night when you asked if I'd always stay with you, me. I'd answered with, "Yes I will forever stay with you. I promise you." What a liar. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep that promise, that one simple promise.

And your death, the thing is that I was right there, and yet I still couldn't save you. I was so close, but I just couldn't grasp you. Jongdae, I understand if you're angry with me, because you have every right to be. In fact, I'm furious at myself right now. If I weren't already dead, who knows what I'd be doing to myself now.

I should get going now, otherwise my friend, Sae Ron, will get in trouble for bending the rules, and granting me five minutes of bodily physicalness. Jongdae, you'll forever remain in both my memories and my heart. I promise you that, and that's a promise I won't ever break.

I love you,

Seo Hye

[End]

A/N: Yes, this is the end. I want to thank everyone and anyone that supported me throughout this fanfiction, thank you all for all the votes, views, and overall just any support. Thank you guys so much!