Seo Hye. The last month and this past one have both been a living hell for me. Seventy five percent of the time I felt dead—like a zombie. Not quite dead, yet not quite alive. The remaining twenty five percent of the time I just wanted to die.
That's one of the reasons why I'm writing to you right now. I'm really really sorry to you. This definitely isn't something that you'd want for me, but please respect my wishes. My last wishes, that is. You're probably wondering why I've come to make this decision.
What I said before, that your death really affected me, that's what I'm getting at right now. I haven't been living correctly through October or November. No, actually, I haven't been living at all. I was merely just existing, and I can't take it anymore, Seo Hye.
I can't take any of this anymore, I just can't. I don't feel the willpower to live, and I don't think that I'll ever find it again. It's neither a phase nor is it simply one of the five stages of grief. It's real. It's real and it's going to last. I've felt this way ever since your death.
At first I thought I was just depressed because of your death, which I was, but I thought that it'd eventually go away after a while. I know that it's only been about a month, but I know and feel enough to know that it's going to stay with me for the rest of my life. What I feel? Nothing. I feel absolutely nothing.
I could get shot in the head, and still not feel anything. No regrets, no sorrow, no emotions at all. I'm sorry that I turned out this way, Seo Hye. I'm sorry that I'm just so messed up. I'm sorry that I'm so helpless, so useless. I'm sorry that I exist.
I really hope that one day we might be able to meet again. I hope that this isn't really The End. I wish you the best, and really hope that you're in a better place, like those fantastical worlds from fairytales. Seo Hye, I love you, and though I yearn from the bottom of my heart that you weren't dead, I really truly hope that you're happy.
With love and absolute sincerity, your friend, Jongdae
A/N: I do not own the YouTube video, all credit goes to the rightful owner of the video and Cheritz
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Dear seo hye, i wish you weren't dead | k.jd
FanficThis is a letter that Jongdae writes to Seo Hye. I highly recommend reading I'm Sorry I Love You before reading this. There might be spoilers, and to get the full story, it's important to know Seo Hye's perspective, as well as Jongdae's. There will...
