|| Writing Advice & Tips ||

Repetition

Falling back on the subject of 'repetition', there was a book I read that started (literally) every sentence with the word 'you'. Like this:

♢ You pouted at him when he took the bag of chips away from you. You reach out your hand to grab the bag. You whine further when it's out of your reach. "Please don't be like this," you sigh. You continue to struggle.

 I'm not saying it's bad, but you can tell yourself you can add more to that. When reading that sentence, do you sense a little too much repetition and don't really feel the 'flow of the story' because of it? Here's what you need to do instead:

♢ A pout forms on your lips when he takes the bag of chips away from you. These were his favorite, though you insisted on snacking more than he had liked. As you reach your hand out to grab another chip, he playfully pulls it away from you. You whined when it's far out of your reach. "Please don't be like this," you sigh out softly, begging him for the delicious snack. Moving your body just slightly, your hand was nearly in reach of it.

There is a whole lot less repetition there (besides overly using the word chips lol) with using 'you' at the beginning now and makes it a little better to read.

Now you might ask, but how do I avoid using 'you' so much at the start of a sentence?

It depends on your situation. Is the reader alone? If so, describe something.

♢ The tapping of your pen against the surface of the table was the only noise heard as you sat at your desk. You were studying for next week's exam and it was important to pass. A sigh leaves your lips as you grew frustrated.

Do you see that I used "a sigh leaves" instead of "you sigh" at the last sentence? Description is always going to matter too, I will keep saying that. After the reader grows frustrated, tell the audience about the messy written notes in front of them on the paper of their notebook. Tell them the reader stares at it for a few more seconds before giving up and heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of juice.

What if reader is with someone?

♢ You were in a state of shock when he kissed you. There was a gaping, yet surprised look on your face as if you were unable to register the situation. A mischievous glint shined in his eyes, his tongue running across his bottom lip like he savored the taste of your lips on his. He leans his head down to whisper into your ear quietly. "Don't look so surprised."

Description, description, description. (clapping hands together) Switch from 'you', the reader, and the person the reader is with. You can start the sentence with 'he' and what not. Then follow up with the description such as 'The heat began to build up at your face when he leans in again for a second kiss'.

Things like that!!!

Keep this in mind.