Innocent

Three

Today's October 23rd. My 23rd birthday. It's a Monday. Of course. I couldn't sleep last night. I laid in bed all night, tossing and turning. I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm so in love with Regina. Oh, i finally learned her first name.

We've been talking about my last few papers. I even wrote about my feelings for her. I didn't say her name, obviously. I've never felt like this before. I don't know what to do. She's my teacher. It's impossible. And even if she wasn't, i probably wouldn't stand a chance.

At 9.30, I got out of bed to get dressed. I showered before 'bed' last night. My hair's in a messy bun again. I put on grey skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and then my heather maroon hoodie. I pulled on my white converse then put on my glasses and grabbed my bag. It's now 9.45.

I sat in my desk, tapping my pencil eraser against my  notebook and i waited for the class to end. We took a mid-term today and i've been finished for like 30 minutes now. Instead of our regular 90 minute class, today's is 150 minutes. So 2 and a half hours. I feel so awkward. I feel stupid that i'm in love with Regina.

She's so beautiful. I can't stop thinking about her. I feel so dumb. I'm never going to have a chance with her. I saw her at lunch with a red-headed woman last week. Even if i didn't, she's seven years older than me and has a son. She probably thinks of me as the depressed kid in her english lit class.

It freaking sucks. She's the only person i want. And she doesn't even know. I opened my notebook and flipped to the page where i stopped writing about my feelings and i stared at the last line.
Should i just tell her how i feel?

Professor Mills just dismissed the class. I put my notebook in my bag and then grabbed the three pages of crap for her. I went down the risers and Regina looked up at me, smiling. "Uh.. Here." i said and held out the papers. She grabbed them and looked back at me. "C-can we talk?" i asked and she nodded. She led me to her office and she closed the door behind us.

We sat down and she started reading my papers. I honestly hope she says i shouldn't tell her my feelings. Because if she doesn't... i'm gonna feel like i have to tell her. How would i even start?

She gives me all these butterflies in my stomach and.. every time she looks at me, it's like my heart skips a beat. She makes me so nervous but at the same time... she makes me so happy. Without even doing anything. All she has to do is look at me and i feel better.

"Yes." Regina said and i looked up at her. "What?" i asked, confused. Did i say something while i was thinking about her? "In your last line, you ask if you should tell her your feelings. You should." She said and i felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. "I-i should?" I asked and she nodded.

"She'd be insanely lucky to have a woman as beautiful and strong as you." She said and smiled. I blushed and twisted the ring on my left ring finger around. It's a nervous habit of mine. "Oh! And happy 23rd birthday." She said and i smiled. "Thank you." I mumbled.

"So. What part do you want to talk about?" She asked and i bit my lip. "The uh.. The last one.." I said and she nodded. "Alright. Let's talk about it." She said softly and i nodded. "She makes my heart skip like a million beats. And she gives me all these butterflies in my stomach. But she'd never want me. Not the depressed virgin." I said and looked away, sadly. "Emma. Relationships are about helping each other and growing together. They're about loving the other person even if they can't love themselves."

I looked up at her and my breathing hitched. She's looking at me like i'm the most important thing in the world. I bit my lip and looked at my lap. "It's you." i said, almost inaudibly. After several seconds of silence, i looked up to see her smiling softly at me. I blushed. "I had a feeling." She said and nodded.