Always in a rush
Never stay on the phone long enough
Why am I so self-important?
Said I'd see you soon
But that was, oh, maybe a year ago
Didn't know time was of the essenceSo many questions
But I'm talking to myself
I know that you can't hear me any more
Not anymore
So much to tell you
And most of all goodbye
But I know that you can't hear me any moreIt's so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said
And as I drown in my regrets
I can't take back the words I never said
I never said
I can't take back the words I never saidAlways talking shit
Took your advice and did the opposite
Just being young and stupid
I haven't been all that you could've hoped for
But if you'd held on a little longer
You'd have had more reasons to be proudSo many questions
But I'm talking to myself
I know that you can't hear me any more
Not anymore
So much to tell you
And most of all goodbye
But I know that you can't hear me any moreIt's so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said
And as I drown in my regrets
I can't take back the wordsThe longer I stand here
The louder the silence
I know that you're gone but sometimes I swear that I hear
Your voice when the wind blows
So I talk to the shadows
Hoping you might be listening 'cos I want you to knowIt's so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said
And as I drown in my regrets
I can't take back the words I never said
I never said
I can't take back the words I never said
Never said
I can't take back the words I never saidI sat on my bed, my knees pulled to my chest. I have english lit with professor Mills in less than an hour. It's the second week of me writing out my feelings for her and i honestly can't tell if it's helping or just making me feel worse.
There was a knock on my door and i looked up at it, not moving at all. "Em.. Rubes and I are going to head on. We'll see you." Belle called out in her australian accent when i didn't open my door. I looked at my alarm clock and saw it was 9.45. I'm in skinny jeans and a heather maroon hoodie. My hair's in a messy bun and i already have my glasses on. I have on black socks.
I grabbed my grey Vans and pulled them on before getting up and grabbing my bag. I walked out of my room and the suite was empty. I left and locked the door behind me, taking a different way to get to the english building. It only takes 5 minutes to get there. The way Ruby and Belle take takes almost 15.
When I walked in the room at 9.51, there were a few other people already sitting at their desks. I went up to the desk all the way in the left corner, well if you're looking at it, it's the right but if you're sitting up there it's the left, of the back row where no one sat last class. There's a guy sitting one desk over, so Ruby and Belle won't come sit with me.
At 9.58, Ruby and Belle walked in, not even looking towards me. They went and sat in their normal seats and i looked down at my paper, drawing random doodles on the sides.
At 10 o'clock exactly, professor Mills' office door opened and she walked to the front of her desk. "Today I want you to work on your own. I want you to open your textbooks to page 347 and read the several Shakespeare poems that are continued for several pages on. Then i want you to analyze his writing. I want you to write it in essay form. You should be able to finish in class. You may begin."
I stared at the text on the page but i felt like i couldn't read it. i don't know what's going on with me today.
By the time professor Mills dismissed the class, i had finished the given assignment and added on to my weekly paper thing for Mills. I couldn't move from my desk. "Ms. Swan?" She called out and i couldn't even look up. I heard her stilettos clicking on the tile floor and she stopped for a few seconds and the clicking changed from tile to wood.
She sat in the desk beside me and just sat. She didn't say anything. "I'm not okay." i said and my voice cracked. I don't know why i said it. She probably doesn't care. She would've asked if she had.
"I know, sweety." she said softly and i blushed at her calling me sweety. "i wrote the stuff for this past week. It's not much. But it's what i could write that made sense." i mumbled and started flipping pages.
All of a sudden, her hand was covering mine and stopping me from flipping anymore pages. "Talk to me Emma." She said softly and i felt tears in my eyes. "I know you're only doing this because you pity me. That's what everyone does. I don't want to be pitied." I said and a tear rolled my cheek.
"I'm not pitying you. I respect you for how strong you are. I just want to help you deal with how you're feeling so you don't have to go through it alone. I've been there and it's not a good place to be." She said and squeezed my hand. My breathing hitched.
"I just... I feel like my life's pointless again. I feel like there's nothing for me. I feel like i could just disappear and no one would notice or care. I don't wanna be here anymore. But i can't do anything about it." i said and that's when the tears started falling down my cheeks.
"You listen to me right now, Emma Swan. Don't you dare think no one would care if you disappeared. I would. I would miss seeing you in my class. I would miss reading your papers and your writing. Okay?" She asked, squeezing my hand and i broke down.
I started sobbing. But then i was in strong arms and I don't know I got here. She has me in a tight embrace and i'm crying on her shoulder. She doesn't even seem to care that i'm crying all over her blouse. This is so embarrassing. She started rubbing soothing circles on my back and i calmed down a little bit.
After awhile of her holding me, i stopped crying and we pulled away. She wiped the tears off my cheeks and smiled softly. "It does get better, Emma. I promise." She said and squeezed my upper arm. I nodded and started putting my stuff back in my bag.
I stared at the ceiling of my room as songs from my sad playlist filtered through my headphones. I'm laying on my bed. I haven't moved since i got home from Mills' class. It's the only class i have on Mondays. It's almost 4 pm. There's only one thing on my mind. Mills.
She's so gorgeous. And she freaking held me. I was a sobbing mess and she comforted me. I've never had someone do that for me. I think i'm falling in love with this woman. And it's crazy. I don't even know her first name! I'm crazy. I need sleep. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls started playing and i closed my eyes, letting it lull me to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Innocent
أدب الهواةEmma Swan is the most innocent college junior you will ever meet. Virgin. Doesn't curse. Never been to a party in her life. Never touched alcohol even though she's of age to legally drink. And then... She meets her english professor, Regina Mills. ...