Mortality

Chapter 22: Zarah

April 1st

I hiss through my teeth as Liam removes the bloody bandage from my hip to clean it a third time. Not sure why he’s bothering. It won’t be long until the risk of bacterial infection is the least of my problems.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, reaching towards me and intertwining his free hand with mine. “I’ll try to get this done as quickly as I can. It’ll be over soon, I promise.”

“Whatever.” I know I’m being a brat, but I can’t help it. It will all be over soon.

It seems like a never-ending cycle; I’m in a bad mood, I worry the mood is the first sign that I’m turning, and that puts me in a worse mood. I’m almost forcing the change along as I let each wave of self-pity wash over me. From what we’ve heard, I shouldn’t be feeling any different for a few days, but it’s not like I can look up the statistics on the Internet. Liam and I haven’t met anyone infected, and everything we’ve heard is the result of rumors and friend-of-a-friend stories. I could be dead tomorrow.

My stomach sinks. I could be dead tomorrow. There’s no way to know how much time Liam and I have left together. I shouldn’t be taking this out on him. I squeeze his hand.

Liam dabs at my wound with alcohol. My eyes clench shut as if that will somehow lessen the sting. Liam is meticulous, making sure to get every inch of the bloody wound. It feels like hours before he gently places the clean bandage over my leg.

“All done for today. See, that wasn’t so bad.” I give him a pained smile but let him pull me up from the bed. We switched rooms, but haven’t left the motel since I was bitten two days ago.

I wince as I put weight on my bad leg while Liam supports me. We haven’t showered in a few days, but somehow he still manages to smell the same. He still smells like Liam, and that makes things better.

I can’t even kiss him. I won’t do anything that might put him at risk. I’m glad he doesn’t insist that he’s willing to risk it; in a moment of weakness, I just might let him. I keep replaying our last kiss over in my head. It didn’t feel like a last kiss— like a kiss that can fuel me until I turn into something horrible.

A surge of anger comes over me as I shift my weight to lean against a wall while Liam rifles through our bag for food. If it was the other way around, if he were the one who’d been bitten, I would risk it. I would do anything I could to bring him comfort as he died. Clearly, he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does.

I’m being an idiot.

As quickly as it came, the anger is gone. I don’t know where it came from, and that scares me. Liam loves me, and the last thing I want is to condemn him too. My stupidity has already done enough damage to last us a lifetime. A very short lifetime.

I can’t risk Liam. He deserves better than this. He’s risking too much by staying with me, and I’m selfish to let him do it. I know what needs to happen.

“Liam, we need to talk.” He looks up at me, and I brace myself for the argument that will probably follow. “You should go to the United Complex. It’s still the best option for you.”

“Zarah, we’ve talked about this. They won’t let you in. Hell, they’d kill you on sight. And I won’t go without you.”

“I’m not talking about me anymore. I’m talking about the best plan to keep you safe. While we were still at the work camp, you made me promise I’d go without you if I had to. You said you’d want to know I’d be safe if anything happened. How is this any different?”

Liam shakes his head. “I can’t. I can’t leave you, never knowing what happened to you in the end.”

“We know exactly what’s going to happen to me. It’s stupid to just stay here waiting for me to turn.” My voice softens. I want to make him understand how important this is to me. “I could hurt you, and that would really kill me.”