Mortality

Chapter 27: Zarah

I can feel my feet moving my body forward. I can feel the infection in my hip. My jaw is itchy right under my ear. I’m still here.

I’ve been cataloging every sensation my body experiences for miles now. It’s strange—the longer I walk, the more I feel like myself. It’s like the sound of birds combined with the rhythmic pattern of my steps has lulled me back into my own body. Not that I have any control over my body. I’m still here, but I can’t make myself stop walking. Or scratch my damn jaw.

If I’m stuck inside my own head, who’s manning the controls? Am I driven forward solely by the hunger that is still gnawing away at my belly?

As I contemplate these questions, I’m not even feeling frustrated. I got over that two miles ago. That’s probably temporary. I’m sure I’ll be frustrated again. I mean, it’s just not fair. One bite, and now what? Will I just keep walking forever? Great, now I’m frustrated again, and that feeling is starting to come back—the hunger.

No. Not frustrated. Don’t focus on frustrated.

Right now, this experience is almost interesting, like I’m watching someone else go through this change. I should focus on that. There’s a whole other side to the infected that no one sees. That’s interesting, right?

Not so much when you’re one of the people stuck inside her own body.

I keep walking.

I’m so hungry.

Is it weird that I’m not tired? I slept two nights ago, but I don’t even know what prompted me to sit down, lean against a wall, and fall asleep. I don’t know what woke me up either. Still, I think I should be tired. Or maybe it was last night that I slept.

I wonder where Liam is now. It’s been long enough; he’d have to know that the Zarah he loved is long dead by now. Does he think about me still? Does he feel bad that he just left me and never came back?

How long has it been? I have no idea. Damn it, I’m hungry again.

What’s that? There’s something making noise down that street. Oh, I guess I’m going to go find out. Would have been nice to take a vote. What’s that, zombie-Zarah? You want to go that way? Sure. Let’s do that. No, no, don’t mind me. I’ll just hang out here and let you make the decisions.

There isn’t even anything here. Now we’re just walking down another street. It looks just like the last one. Great.

Suburban America is a very dull place to be undead.

Okay, I’m not technically undead. Infected. Changed.

Whatever.

I don’t even care.

How many of the infected that Liam and I faced… that Liam and I killed, were just like this? People just like me, stuck inside a ravenous prison that looks just like you but doesn’t care about you or anyone else.

I wish I hadn’t thought about the hunger. Every time I do, it builds within me so much faster. It’s an unstoppable force that dominates everything else my body experiences now.

I just… I need.

It’s a beautiful day out today; I guess the lack of air pollution is making a difference.

I wish I wasn’t wearing long sleeves, but I’m glad I can still feel the sun on my face.

I’m glad I can feel something at all.

It’s been days now. How many? I don’t know.

I think my short term memory is beginning to fade.