Fix Me (A Sidemen Fanfiction)

VIII

     I nodded slowly, even though I wasn't listening. I was speaking with my therapist on Skype for the first time since I've been here in London. I was laying in bed with my MacBook beside me. We had a scheduled Skype call for once a week until I moved back to Texas. She was droning on and on about how I had to want to get better for myself. I had heard it over and over again now, either it being told to me by someone else or myself. But the more I heard it, the more I realized I didn't want to get better for me. I wanted to get better for other people. For Aunt Peyton and for my therapist and, now, for Josh and the rest of the guys who I had made pretty good friends with. I wanted them to feel proud of me, even if I didn't want to be good. I kept hearing that I had to want it for myself before I could even begin to get better. Maybe that was why I went to that party last night. It was now about 8 PM here and around 2 PM back in Texas, where my therapist was. I had done nothing all day except lay in my bed. I was bored, as I always was. "Are you even listening?" I heard my counselor, Hallie, ask. I perked my head up. She stared at me, waiting for an answer. I shook my head, no. She sighed. "You are hopeless." She said. "I know. I keep telling you but you don't -" I cut myself off when I saw she hung up. Whatever she is getting paid, it was too much. I sighed as I shut my laptop and hopped out of bed. As soon as I opened my bedroom door, Vik almost fell on me, followed by JJ, who was followed by Josh, then Simon. "What the fuck?" I asked as I stepped back. They steadied themselves. "We were just coming to tell you....uhh." Vik stuttered. "We are going to Ethan's and it is the perfect time to meet him and Emily and Tobi." Simon said. I narrowed my eyes at them as they all gave me cheesy smiles. "I know I haven't been to school in a while but I'm not that stupid." I rolled my eyes. "Yeah I'll go. But don't do shit like that." I added, pushing them out of my room. I closed the door behind them so I could get dressed. It pissed me off that they would listen in on my private Skype call like that, but at the same time I loved that they were taking an interest in my life.

•••

      Simon patted me on the back as we stopped in front of a door on a long hallway. This was my first time in a huge building like this one. I'm pretty sure it was called the Stratford Halo Tower. Even the name sounded fancy as fuck. I was too lost in my thoughts to realize Josh had knocked on the door until it opened to reveal a black guy just a few inches taller than me. I had gotten used to being around all guys that were all taller than me, Vik being the closest to me by about an inch. "Mackenzie! Lovely to finally meet you!" He exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug. I hugged back reluctantly and then he pulled away. "I'm Tobi, if you didn't already know. Come in and make yourself at home. Though this isn't even my home." He said, still smiling widely as he stepped into the room and gestured for us to enter. Josh led the way and I followed. We walked into a big open space and then took a left into a room with a TV, two couches, and a big ass window that showed a beautiful view of London. I don't think I had ever seen a view so lovely. "Holy shit." I blurted out, getting lost in the view. I walked closer to the window that reached to the floor to the ceiling. "She'll be entertained for hours." I heard someone mutter behind me. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not a fucking toddler." I said, not turning around. I couldn't bring myself to. I didn't ever want to, but the squeal of a girl made me turn around. There before me stood a girl about the same height as me wearing glasses. Her hair was up in a bun but I could see it was brown. She was honestly really pretty and it pissed me off. I was never "pretty" or "cute" or even "beautiful" to a guy. I was just "hot" or "fuckable". And, somehow, I didn't feel I deserved to be "beautiful". I didn't feel I deserved to be respected, so that's the kind of guys I fell for. The kind with absolutely no respect for me. "Oh it's going to be so nice having another female around all of the time! Freya works too much and Kayleigh and Katie live too far away. I'm so excited already." She said quickly in a high-pitched voice. I smiled awkwardly in response. I didn't know who the girls she mentioned were but I wasn't going to let her know this. As excited as she was about being my new best friend I wasn't going to just be a bitch immediately. "Mackenzie." I said, sticking a hand out to her, waiting for her to shake it.

*Simon's POV*

      Mackenzie looked awkward and uncomfortable. Probably because of Emily's sudden outburst. But Emily got excited like that sometimes, that's just how she is. Not sure how Mackenzie would get along with that yet, but we will cross that bridge when we get there I guess. Right now, she seemed to be doing okay. "So what's up, mate? You've pulled yet?" Ethan appeared in front of me, making me looked at someone instead of Mackenzie for the first time in about a minute. "What?" I asked, laughing lightly. "Oh come on. You think she's peng." "I also know she's seventeen." I rolled my eyes. He copied my actions. "It's alright. She's okay with breaking the law anyways." He laughed. His laugh made me laugh, which was inevitable. "Just shut up." I said, pushing him. I knew Mackenzie was physically attractive but I hadn't gotten to know her too much. I mean I've known her for just a week and she's made sort of a rocky first impression. Though I never relied on first impressions, really.

A/N
Merry Christmas everyone! It is currently 5 in the morning my time and I cannot sleep. There will be another update today as my Christmas gift to you guys, so I hope you enjoy. I also hope you all have/had an amazing holiday, whatever it is you celebrate!

See ya! x