Hold Me Close [Oliver Sykes]

Chapter 4 -- Because I Got Your Love...

Chapter 4

Because I got your love and I got these vices. Take back every word I've said, ever said to you. I know my heart beats for you.

--

I'd almost emptied the sink when Jackson walked back into the kitchen with a soft smile. "Kaylee's finally down." He said, his arm brushing past mine slightly as he reached for the towel to dry off the dishes.

"Thanks," I murmured, handing him a newly washed cup. I didn't look at him and I knew he was staring at me. Things were slightly off between us and I wasn't exactly sure why. When I came home from school today, I was surprised to see not only a weirdly calm Jackson but an overly happy mother which was creepy enough. The rest of the evening went quickly; we spent it mostly not discussing about anything serious, or anything in general. Maybe it was because Kaylee was with us but we just didn't talk.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him frown. "You should take better care of yourself." He blurted out, setting the dry cup down on the counter. His eyes found the red skin of my fingers.

I looked up, raising an eyebrow before breathing out heaps of air from lungs. I turned off the tap and then closed my eyes, concentrating on anything else but the nagging voices in my head telling me to just run away.

I waited for a few seconds before opening my eyes. "I should go check on my mother." I said, drying my hands on my pants. I felt his warm hand on my waist as he smiled at me reassuringly. I thought we were fighting?

"Do you want me to stay here? I... I can sleep on the couch." Jackson offered as something flickered through his eyes that I couldn't figure out. I licked my lips and thought about it. As much as the idea of Jackson spending the night made me feel butterflies of giddiness, I pushed it away. As my best friend, we did everything together, including our daily 'sleepovers' but I wasn't in the mood of one.

"Not a good idea," I whispered, and took hold of his hand that was on my hip and dropped it. He was my best friend, but we were having one of our usual fights that has been happening more often. I was worried I was losing him.

He frowned again, picking up another cup to dry. "As you wish," he muttered. I knew this house would feel empty and cold the moment he left. Every sound would make me jump. Every minute would drag on until I finally found enough peace to fall asleep. I dragged in a deep breath to steady myself.

He shifted on his feet slightly and I knew he was upset. A wave of guilt washed over me. "I'm sorry Jack," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

"It's okay," he shrugged, like it didn't matter but we both knew it did. I stared at him, longer than I should have, waiting for him to speak up. He realised that I wasn't buying the whole 'it's okay' thing but he didn't say anything.

The silence in the air was thick enough to be tangible. Jackson grabbed a fistful of his dark tousled hair and tugged at it in frustration. "I don't understand what you want me to say, Hannah. What do you want me to do?"

I swallowed hard. "I don't even know what I want!" I exclaimed, my voice harsher than it was supposed to be. "I - I don't know."

"I don't know, either." Jackson said as he picked up a age from the counter only to set it back down. "Look, Hannah, I..." He paused, unsure of how to continue. I straightened my slump shoulders, instantly wanting to know what he wanted to say but couldn't. He looked at me, his dark blue eyes laced with sadness but he stayed silent. We both did for a few long minutes.

"Are you mad at me?" I suddenly asked Jackson, leaning against the counter. It was a question I'd held back for months now. The question that came into my mind each and every time I looked at Jackson. I knew over the past few months the dynamics in our friendship changed. We grew closer which wasn't supposed to happen.