"The hardest thing is to kill the monsters inside you without killing yourself in the process and i keep telling everybody that i'm fine, but the truth is. I'm not fine" Hart, Maya.
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It's been a awhile since my mom and Shawn...died. Well, exactly 2 hours. And i'm here, drinking more than I should, trying to forget the pain. But, how can I do that? someone, explain to me! it hurts so much. I screamed, throwing the bottle at the wall. "It's my fault! It's my fault" I screamed as tears started to run down my cheeks. ' if you hadn't asked them for a ride, this wouldn't have happened! You destroy everything you touch! you deserve to die.' the voices started screaming inside my head. They are right. I hugged my knees as I started to cry again and the voices kept screaming in my head I needed to make it stop! It hurts so much, i...i can't stay with all this pain. I love my friends, of course, but my time has come, they'll find me, and they'll catch me. It's time. Lucas made me weak, i was stronger, but now I am weak. He did this to me. In another time i could control it, but now i can't do this. It's all his fault. I screamed once more as i cried, my hands covering my ears. 'you deserve to die' 'it's time, Maya. 'Kill yourself' 'look what you have done with your parents, it's all your fault' 'bitch!' The voices screamed again. "STOP!" I got up "I'LL DO WHAT YOU WANT BUT PLEASE STOP!" I screamed, crying and then, i went at the kitchen and looked for a knife. I found it and then, i started, making a deep cut on my arm. I liked, I liked a lot. This made me forget the pain. Another cut. It was like ecstasy, the voices were gone and I had found a calm moment. But now, it's the time, the voices wanted me to die. I' need to do this. Another cut, now one on my wrist. I never said goodbye to Riley, or farkle, or Zay, Topanga, Cory or... lucas. But it's better this way, they will be fine without me. Yeah. I cut my arm deeper as I cried. And then, I fall to my knees on the floor, feeling dizzy and weak. "Maya! Are you here?" I heard Lucas's voice from the room and smiled, before i passed out. I really wanted to hear his voice before I died here. A good memory. *************** I opened my eyes, and then I saw Lucas looking at me worried. I died? Is this heaven? In a big hospital? No, I didn't die. He saved me. When I realized that, i looked at him angrily. what did he do? He messed it up! "Maya i-" he started speaking "get out" i cut him off "What?" He looked a little confused at me "i'm breaking up with you, you fucked my life, now.get.out.lucas!" I screamed, with anger. He took a deep breath, but then, he did what I said, without looking at me. I sighed. I didn't want to do that to him, but he messed it up. I had to die, it was my punishment, and now he ruined it all. Now the voices will not stop! It's all his fault! I looked around, feeling still dizzy, and trying to stay calm, but i can't do this. My anxiety struck and I began to feel out of breath as I gripped the blankets screaming. I don't remember much of what happened next, the maximum I remember was the doctor trying to calm me down and then, he put a needle in my arm and I blacked out, waking up the other day at that psychiatric hospital. Since that day, I decided to take the pills, not because I wanted to get better, but because I wanted the pain to stop, and it worked, a little. And also from that day, I decided that I would disappear, leave the life of all my friends, and especially....not give an explanation for him. They deserve a life without me. And I would do it for them, I messed up a lot, but this I would not ruin. Flashback off
----------- (a/n) Sorry for being so inactive, I was too busy, cuz I didn't have time to write, with the Christmas and all, but anyways, i hope you like this part 1. And now, you guys know what happened with Maya and her voices,' and what happened between her and Lucas. What do you think about it? comment below your opinions.
Well, thanks for my bitch / slut/!whore/ bestie for helping me and helping with my errors too, in this chapter😂 hellscapital (and also, read her amazing books, really. She has a lot of talent) And thanks for voting for my Book. love you all, and merry Christmas everyone💙
