Forty four, the number four, January fourth twenty fourteen. That's a lot of fours to me. Plans? I have plans better plans than my usual plans of working out and being lazy all day. My plans for today actually include me leaving the house! woo!! went to cheer leading practice which was okay didn't really do that much and then worked out a little at home ! took a shower and now I'm getting ready! Well I'm actually waiting for my clothes to dry and for my hair to air dry. Dry , oh how right now I wish I was in a nice warm tropical region. It would be nice to just pack my bags and not have to worry about everyday things. to maybe get on a plane ( even though my fear of planes might still make me very nervous) and leave to some where warm. Some where,where I can wear a bathing suit,sandals and sunglasses and not want to shoot my self because of how cold it is. Its going to be 4 degrees on Monday.... what the heck I live in Georgia it should not get that cold!! I already hate the 30-40 degree weather we have!! Oh the struggle how real it is.
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Im going to a basket ball game tonight..... this should be interesting. Maybe. I kind of hope so. I want my life to be exciting again. I want to look forward to plans. I want to have a busy calendar again. not all these empty spaces with me staying at home. I feel like Im afraid to get excited about things because then when it doesnt turn out like I want or nothing truley exciting or unexpected happens then i just set my self out there for dissapointment and well thats what I do alot. It fucking sucks being dissapointed and Im afraid to let my feelings out because I dont want to enter depression. because i know whats i start it too hard to stop and I feel weak and tired and Its not fun or a happy time for me.
I think that I must say my farewells now ! ill write to you tonight.
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Lesson #142 You know its a good night if you end it at waffle house.
