Aranium

Two

The Senator begins speaking almost immediately. "You know why you are here. You are here to better our unique society by providing future leaders. You cannot leave. Refusing to do what you're told will not get you sent home. Acting out or being inappropriate will end you up in solitary. You are not allowed phone calls or visits. Those are indescribably childish things and as of right now you are no longer a child. Now that you know your rights; of which you have none we will begin this short evaluation."

After his speech, Ms. Kline begins her evaluation. Simple questions about medical, family, and mental history are the beginning of an hour long brain prying evaluation. I walk out of the office when I'm finished and I'm finally escorted to my room. I find out the rules and the most important ones are that I will not have a roommate and I will not have any of the opposite sex in my room outside of regulation times. I am told to quickly unpack my bags and go to the dining hall for my first dinner here. I hadn't even realized that it's almost 7 till the bells on my watch chimed on the hour. I didn't pack much. Nice clothes, shoes, and a picture album containing precious photos of my family and I. Dutifully I hurriedly put my things in my drawers. I notice that I have a personal bathroom and a very large bed. The walls are a nice contrast from the wine red carpet beneath my feet. The sweet ivory walls provide a normalness to an otherwise crazy lifestyle.

I am the last to the dining hall, arriving at 7:30. The dining hall is a small theater like room with few tables. Small Chinese accents fill the walls almost effortlessly. The tables show obvious signs of wear and people's names are scrawled across the light mahogany finish. The floor is tile with impossible to understand symbols. The dimness of the room is inviting and comforting. I am greeted with a smile from Caprice and Lorelai. They invite me over and I notice the small glances at one another of something I've never seen before. I sit down and almost as if they were waiting for me, plates of food I have never seen before come flooding into the room. Potatoes, Steaks, expensive seafoods. I just take it all in with admiration and hunger.

I made small polite conversations with the other girls and I hope I really made a decent impression to the viewers. I stayed professional and mature throughout the entire dinner. The impression I made will affect my mother also. She has a reputation to upkeep. I have always been known as the perfect daughter. The model child. But am I really that perfect? Regardless of if I am or not I have to keep up the facade.

I head back to my room and try to keep my mind steady. I look into the corner and see another camera staring back at me. I wonder if I'll ever get a moment of peace in this building. I question a lot of things while dozing off to sleep. When will I see my mother? Will I be able to return home?

The next day on the overhead speakers I hear we they required to allow us 1 hour outside everyday. I walk quickly toward the outside gate. The sights I could see were amazing. The dew on the freshly mowed grass. The wind whipping through my hair and tangling it up. The sun warm on my skin and the trees providing me shade. The city skyline is visible though the cast iron fence in front of me. The clouds above look like pale cotton candy and I just wanna keep seeing more.

I find comfort in the shade beneath a large willow tree. In my hands I hold my scrapbook. Just having it close to my heart makes me feel closer to home. I open it slowly and the first picture is of my father and I on the swings. It brings back hateful memories. Not of him but of what happened. I shake my head to rid myself of those thoughts and my long and soft ginger hair falls out of a messy bun. I quickly put my hair back up and continue looking through the book. The memories of my early childhood fill my head and I feel the warm salty tears filling my eyes like water in a cup. I wipe my tears away and try to think of ways to regain my freedom but a loud noise brings me out of my determined daze and I snap back to reality. When I look around I see that everybody getting up and walking back into the building. I decide to follow suit

Back in the building now, we learn of a required weekly group "therapy" session to assist in picking our life partners. We arrive into the group room and I casually look around. The feel of the room is that of the feel of a hospital. The white walls, white floors, and cushion chairs give me a feeling I can't describe. A feeling of solidarity erupts in my chest and I push it down immediately. "Smile pretty". It was almost like I could hear my mother was behind me, coaching me on how to act. The woman that blamed me for my father's death. The woman that told me how to live, how to act, how to talk. In that moment I realize that she is the only woman I will ever hate this much. My blood boils at the memories of her strict and over perfect life. I contain my emotions well but I know that later on they will come out. Hopefully when I truly have privacy.

Group therapy was not climactic. We talked about strength in relationships and developing a good family. I again think of how I'm not ready for a family of my own. There has to be a way out of this. There has to be a way for me to return home and continue my life.

Soon after group "therapy" was dinner. I was so flooded with fascinating foods that I didn't know how to react. I made good friends with this girl named Virginia. She is really intelligent and amazingly funny. She told hilarious jokes and we just kept talking until curfew. It was amazing. A truly memorable experience.

Tomorrow will be a different day. A better day. Tomorrow will not be like today.