Aranium

Three

It's 11:30 on Christmas eve. You're tucked tight into your favorite sheets and soft melodic music is playing in the living room. You hear a loud noise in the kitchen. You run in excitedly believing in your heart that Santa Claus is in your own house. You creep carefully through the hallway while the floors creak quietly beneath you.

You finally make it to the living room looking around to see if anyone else rose from bed. You peer cautiously around the corner and see a strange man arguing with your father. You try to listen to what they are saying but the language they're speaking isn't understandable.

In a matter of seconds him and the strange man are on the floor fighting. Fear engulfs you but you don't go in the living room.You can't move. The strange man pulls out a gun and your father fights to get it away. You're scared. Terrified. You don't want your father to die but you're too scared to act. Coward. Coward. Coward. The word is beat into you mentally before you even understand it. Protect him. Your vision blurs. A gunshot rings out. He's dead. No. It has to be fake.

You fall to the floor and your mother rushes in. Scarlett. Scarlett. Scarlett...

I wake up from my nightmare in a cold sweat. "Scarlett". I look beside me and see that Lorelai is shaking me. "You were screaming loud enough to wake up the whole building. Are you okay? Should I get Ms.Kline?" I shake my head quickly and tell her I'm okay. That it was just a simple nightmare. She simply shrugs her shoulders and leaves. I check the clock. 5:56 a.m. My chances of falling asleep again were slim to none so I got out of bed.

I walk to my bathroom and look in the mirror. "Cold sweat and dry tears are not my look" I thought with laugh to myself. A brisk splash with cold water snaps me out of my tired daze and I run a warm shower. I finished getting undressed and step into the warmth of the shower swiftly to protect myself from the cold air. The shower is warm like sun kissing my skin. The mist provides a calming feel and I just take the time to think.

Eventually I decide step out of my comforting shower and back into reality. I promptly get dressed in fear that I am still being watched. I peek out into the hallway to see if anyone else was awake. After concluding that I was awake by myself I walked slowly over to my dresser. Quietly I opened the top drawer and dug through my belongings. I grabbed my album and held it close to my heart. I sobbed softly of a photo of me and my father dancing in the yard. He was my world. And he left me with her.

I struggle to regain myself but continue to hold on to the pictures. I need to show him how much I love him but I feel like I'm only talking to the wind. My voice carries softly and the sobs choke me slowly. I need to pull myself together and do this. For him. For my father

The sun rose softly over the hill crest. The light fastening through the window puts my loneliness away and I get ready to impress everyone. I walk out of my room full of confidence and make my way to the dining hall.

Breakfast was a simple egg dish and juice. It was filling and well prepared. I excuse myself from the table quickly and run to the doors. At exactly 11:07 we are to go allowed outside. I look at my watch and see the time ticking by slowly, almost like a time warp encasing me. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. The minutes before freedom are slow and seldom.

The loud speaker comes on and before they have time to speak, I'm out of the door. I take in the wind and sun and let myself drown in the freedom the grass against my feet gives me. Finding my willow tree, I sit beneath it. I pull out my album and moved quickly through the photos. Retaining the memory of when I once was happy is difficult. I hear my name in the distance and see Ms.Kline walking towards me. She tells me it's time for my evaluation. I wonder why it needs to be done now and I feel my happiness fade. Slowly I climb to my feet and make my way into the building. I am escorted to a plush office and asked to sit down.

"How are you feeling Ms. Nicole?"

"I feel like you. Trapped in this building. Trapped with this fate. I just feel trapped."

"Are you adjusting okay?"

"I'll say I'm okay. Is that what you want? To hear I'm okay. To be able to write down that this batch of teenagers is a success? Because I'll tell you what you wanna hear. I'll tell you anything to get out of this office and back to the one thing that actually makes me feel normal."

"You seem on edge. Would you like something to drink?"

I lose my temper before I can even process it. "You brought me here by force. I was in a dirty bus for days alone. I'm being forced to have children at 16. I can't see or talk to anybody but the people here. I'm constantly recorded. Now you're telling me what I feel. I am NOT okay. I will NEVER be okay here. I am a prisoner to a life I would have never chose. I am prisoner to the life you chose for me. What will everyone think of me. The 16 year old mom who didn't graduate. I'm tired of feeling this way and I'm tired of being told what to feel. Now if you'll excuse me I would like to enjoy the rest of my day in my room."

After I got out of the office I rushed straight to my room and layed in the bed. I made such a fool of myself but for once I don't care. I don't wanna be here. I shouldn't have to be here. My children will know of how they were planned. By the government. By the world. But not by me. The wet tears on face face and the hurt in my heart try to put me to sleep. But I won't dream of happiness. I'll dream of the destruction of my life. I'll dream of a life that will pull the lives of every person living in it together. To create a world like the one in the stories. A world like the one in my heart.

There's a famous quote that gives my feelings a meaning to myself. "Anger is the feeling we use to escape the less comfortable feelings". Right now I want to escape everything. I wanna to ball up my fists and cry. I was made to be more. I was not made for this. I was not made to be a prisoner in this life. I was made to be who I want to be, not who they want me to be. With that final thought drifting in my head I fall asleep broken.