Blank Pages

A Thousand Pages Later (an excerpt)

As soon as I pick up, his voice blares through the speakers.

"Nandito na ko!" He exclaims triumphantly, and the childlike exultation in his tone makes me laugh.

"Good job. Pero bakit parang hinihingal ka?"

"I'm jogging through the parking lot towards the elevators as we speak."

"Huy, ano ka ba? No need to rush. The instructor isn't even ready for us yet. You got here right on time."

"Okay, okay. I'll see you in five."

"See ya. And thanks again for doing this."

"Sus, ako pa ba? You're welcome, always welcome."

I hang up, smiling, and barely two seconds later, my phone rings again. It's Richard. The smile on my face starts to fade, and immediately I feel guilty. Why did I stop smiling at the sight of his name on my caller ID? Shouldn't it have the exact opposite effect? It's just that he's calling at 10:53 on a Friday morning, so I know that this isn't a "just checking in" call. Those usually come during lunch break or at the end of the day. He's calling because he has news, and I have a hunch that it isn't good. It seems like we've been sharing good news less and less often lately.

Sure enough, when I answer the call, he is preemptively apologetic. "Mahal, I'm so sorry. Please don't kill me."

"Why?" I ask, trying not to sigh audibly. He sounds disappointed enough for us both.

"Turns out hindi ako makakauwi this weekend. Anton left a bigger mess than we initially thought. I'm meeting with our lawyers tonight, then I have to see our accountants first thing Monday morning—"

"Pero Mahal, bukas na yung cake tasting natin sa Tania's," I cry, unable to keep the dismay out of my voice. "You know how hard it was for me to set up that appointment, sobrang in demand sila. If we cancel tomorrow, who knows when they'll be able to fit us in again."

Even as the words leave my mouth, I'm aware of how pitifully petty they sound. Richard must be up to his eyeballs in stress and paperwork, trying to save the Cebu office after it was revealed that his former boss had been embezzling money from the company for years before he died, and here I am, whining about cakes. I know that the office is in danger of being shut down—that people's jobs are on the line—but damn it, so is our wedding. He should be here; we were supposed to be planning this wedding together, but so far, he's missed every single important appointment we've had since we set the date.

Richard sighs, and I can just picture the tiny vein that appears right above his left eyebrow whenever he frowns, and the dimple in his cheek sinking deeper. "Alam ko, Mahal. Sorry talaga, pero wala akong choice. You know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't super important—"

The thing is, everything to do with the company is always "super important." I'm starting to hate that phrase, and to resent the way it makes me feel like I am less important.

"Can't Diane meet with your accountants on Monday?" I break in, not wanting to hear how super important these meetings are. "You're always saying how bright and capable she is, maybe she can take charge—"

"No, it has to be me. Mas alam ko yung records eh. Masyadong complex yung problema, hindi pa kaya ni Yan to."

Wait, what? He calls her Yan now? Since when? When did they go from Ms. Zaragoza to Yan? Does she still call him Mr. Faulkerson or does she have a nickname for him too? Rich? Chard? As I wrestle with the green-eyed monster in my chest that has suddenly reared its ugly head, JP appears at my elbow, panting slightly.

"I'm here!" He cheerfully announces. "Nandyan na ba yung instructor?"

I hear Richard's sharp intake of breath through the phone still glued to my ear, followed by a long pause. "Sino yan? Si JP?"

I hesitate. "Yes."

"Am I on speakerphone?"

"No."

"Akala ko ba si Nico yung kasama mo?"

"Sinamahan niya si Tatay sa Bulacan eh."

"Eh si Dean?"

"Inutusan ni Nanay mag run ng errands."

"I see." Two words, so heavy with meaning. Suddenly he seems much further away than only on another island. There are millions of miles between us, and oceans and oceans of space.

"Richard," I say gently, but it sounds hollow and half-hearted even to me. Part of me feels guilty for hanging out with JP, knowing full well how Richard feels about him, but an even bigger part of me is stubbornly not in the mood to apologize. Why should I apologize? This is his fault. He is my fiancé. If he were here, about to take this dance lesson with me like he should be, then JP wouldn't have had to take his place.

As my dance partner.

JP is only filling in as my dance partner. He isn't taking Richard's place in any other way.

I realize that neither of us has spoken in a full minute. "Richard?" I timidly say again.

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"Okay..."

"Listen, I have to go now. Ang dami ko pang trabaho. Enjoy your dance lesson."

"Mahal..."

"Tawagan kita ulit mamayang gabi."

"Okay. Kumain ka ng lunch ha, wag ka magpagutom."

"I will. Bye."

"...bye."

I lower my phone and stare at the screen as it exits call mode and settles back into the home display. Our faces beam happily up at me from my wallpaper—Richard's and mine. He is wearing my favorite smile, the one that reduces his normally wide brown eyes into tiny little slits. I swallow forcefully to make the lump in my throat disappear, fighting hard not to burst into tears over the fact that we don't end our phone calls with I love you's anymore.

**********

A/N: Surprise! I've been toying with the idea of a sequel to Blank Pages for a while now (in fact, almost as soon as I finished writing the first "book,") but between realidad and writing And For Ever More, I just haven't had the time (or the energy, frankly) to really get started on it. I STILL don't have the time and energy NOW, so please don't get your hopes up. But the story is already pretty clear in my head, and I just wanted to write at least a short excerpt, just to get it off my chest. Hopefully, I'll be able to revisit this idea again soon, but for now, I hope you'll be content with this quick glimpse at what happened next with Faulkerson and Nicomaine 😊