Rant book

Yes, I know

I know I haven't been updating or anything for a while. Don't worry, I just have a lot of shit going on.

This account has gone from my original content to my rants and why I hate everything. I want to keep writing. It makes me feel better and that's great. But I don't have the time or energy for it right now. I'm going to keep ranting and being annoying until I'm mentally stable enough to go back to a normal life. Well, normal for me.

Also slightly on topic, mostly off, I think I'm going to start putting me quotes in here too. I think and say some pretty strange things and some ranty things that I can add onto when I write them in. I guess I'll work on that, but for now I need to try and understand my life and everything.

You're probably here for a rant, so I'll write one. I'm actually pretty mad and holding something against someone right now, so you're in luck.

To start off, I'm VERY pissed at my councilor/ therapist person. To be frank with you... my grandmother passed away from a rapidly growing brain tumor on December 9th, 2016. FOUR days before my scheduled appointment with this "helpful" person.

That would be awful in general, but NO. She had to rub a shit ton of salt in the fucking wound. She wouldn't stop talking about it, even when I obviously didn't want to talk about it. She was so blunt about it and kept wording things terribly, even when I was crying my fucking eyes out.

She pissed me off so fucking badly, but I was crying so I couldn't form words. I was a sitting duck. I know, I know. "She's trying to help you". Fuck that. The way she was doing it was NOT effective and she should have stopped.

I made zero eye contact. Like, the whole time. I was trying not to be rude, but I wanted to call her a bitch out of frustration.

She fucking asked me, I kid you not, "So, do you know if or when they're having a service for her, or?"   You don't fucking say that to a person! How is that supposed to help me?!

I told my mom about it a tiny bit in the car on the way home. I literally was so pissed at her. I wanted to tell her that I don't want to go to her anymore. Right to her fucking face!

This is why I shouldn't be so nice. In my attempt to remain polite, I have developed a hatred for her. I mean, what would you do if you were me?

At one point, she even went on about how bad it was. "I mean, she was really important in your life. You saw her almost every day until now, didn't you? She's really close to you, I expect you to be affected by her passing. This isn't an easy thing to deal with. You're going to be even more sensitive now, with these intense emotions." How would that make you feel? Like what the actual fuck? Who do you think you are? Get a reality check, this isn't helping me.

I told my mom that it felt like it was HER that was making me cry. Like, is this bitch trying to make me fucking cry? She was pushing it so much. Just leave me the fuck alone. I'm try to cope on my own and your way isn't doing shit for me. Correction, it's just making this even shittier.

ANYWAYS, I can't think of it all now. I'll let you run away now. Go, be free! I think I just needed to truly vent today. I'm a little better now. Oh, right! Bye now.

12/14/16       -    Maddy was VERY pissed off

P.s.  I'm not even really editing these things. I just write and fix as I go. I'm glad that I do that cause I can't read this shit again, it was bad enough to live it. Ok, bye again!