secrets

eleven

-ADELE-
_____

"Hey, Adele?" Simon asks through the bathroom door. I put my arms in the sleeves of my robe, securely tying it closed around my naked body.

"Yes?" I loudly say back, looking at my bare face in the mirror and counting my insecurities. The number was decreasing every day, as each day has been one step closer to a full recovery.

"I'm going to go home for just a few hours, alright?"

I unwrap the towel from my head and let my wet hair fall freely. Pouting, I open the door and say, "Why are you going home?"

"I have to go home to Clary for a while so I can talk to her." He puts his coat on.

My eyes look down at the all too familiar floor. "To talk to her or to make out with her?" I look back up and make eye contact.

He frowns, sliding his phone into the pocket of his coat and sighing. "Why would you even think that I would do such a thing?"

"Because you're still together, Simon. I'm still your scandalous little secret. Why wouldn't you make out with her? Isn't that the goal? To make her believe that she's your one and only?"

He shakes his head, closing his eyes momentarily and then opening them back up. "First of all, you're a lot more to me than a secret. And second of all, she is no longer my one and only. You are. And last, why are you suddenly so upset about all this? Why don't you trust me?"

"I don't know, I just feel like what we're doing is wrong. I feel weird kissing you and inviting you into my house to hold me when someone else who is in love with you waits at home, worried about you."

His face is hard to read, but it seems like a mix of confusion, fear, and despair. I know those feelings well. His mouth is open ever so slightly, and he just looks into my eyes as if the answer to all his problems is written in them. But I know he won't find any answer there. "Sometimes I feel bad too. But you don't know her like I do. She's done a lot to hurt me and I'm ready to let that go. I'm ready for her to be in my past. I have the decency to stay so she doesn't feel lonely and heartbroken on Christmas. I couldn't do that to anybody."

"So we're not spending Christmas together?" I say, knowing his answer before he even says it.

"I don't know. I still haven't figured it out. That's why I have to go for a while, I just need to talk to her. I don't know where it will go, but it will be closer to the ending of my relationship with her and the beginning of us. I promise."

I nod, my heart aching. Those words still bothered me. "Promise you won't hurt me?" Alex answers, "I promise."

"Do you still love her?" I ask him, giving him a deadly stare, daring him to say anything but no.

"A hundred percent no." He says, his face contorting into a look of pure disgust.

I nod again, trying to believe him and somewhat succeeding. He hugs me goodbye and walks out of the room. It takes a lot in me to trust him, especially since every time I trusted a man, they took advantage of it.

I push my fear away. After all, Simon did get Alex in jail and stay with me when I needed him most. That took a real man. I take a deep breath and relax. With Simon, I really have nothing to worry about.

Deciding to play music to calm me and to make getting dressed a little more entertaining, I press shuffle on my phone.

"Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you."

Maybe Simon and I are fools for rushing in, but we're in love, and I'm genuinely happy in a relationship for once. I'm never letting him go, as foolish as I may be.

I can't wait to see what happens after he talks with Clary.