To Jake,
I never needed you like I do right now.
I guess that was the power of love. You made me feel like I was your world, your forever, you eternity. You were mine.
And I can relish into that memory. Because we were too busy making hurricanes.
Love's not easy when it isn't my way, but for you I buried that thought. For you I would do anything. Including allowing you to cheat on your girlfriend with me.
But even though it was wrong, it felt so right. I guess that was the power of love I held for you. If only I knew that if you were capable of cheating on them with me, you were capable of cheating on me with them.
I never needed you like I do right now, your touch, your everything is missed alongside the sweet nothing's you would whisper lovingly into my ear.
I've never felt as confused as I felt right now, because even though you promised you would leave her, you didn't. Yet, I was in love and blinded by whatever spell you casted onto me. All you ever do is make me cry, you make me cry, you make me cry.
And you look the other way, as if loving you was the biggest mistake I had made.
I never knew how heartbreak felt, but with you my heat broke every second I saw you touching her and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, looking as if you were an innocent lover boy fallen head over heals with your current 'IT' girlfriend.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
I've never hated you like I do right now, we were dicovered - our secret no longer a secret no more. My love, for you, not worth no more.
I watched as you shrugged it off; my feeling's shut off from your mind.
I never needed you like I did right now, Humiliated, heartbroken and hungry for your love. I waited for you to speak up saying how you manipulated me into feeling for you, manipulated me into having feelings for you, manipulated me into being in love with you.
But you stood, frozen, eyes locked onto mine, until you moved, walking towards me with an unusual feeling I could not distinguish in your hard eyes.
"I've never loved you like I do right now" You had whispered and through my tears I had watched the shock shown evidently onto your girlfriend's eyes. Through my tears I watched as you lifted you hand and held my face into you hands. Through my tears I watched as you smiled, almost gladly, at me; the girl you had loved.
And you wiped my tears away and glared at anyone who would dare object against our love, you objected.
And I've never loved you like I did right then.
But it all changed, it all changed and I've never wanted to turn back time as I did right now.
Everything had been perfect, at least you fooled me on that account. Karma was most definitely a b***h. One that guaranteed, I would never forget.
And so I walked in on you, with her, in our bed. But what hurt the most was the fact that you had never changed. Even if you had claimed that you would - you never did.
I had been living on false hopeless lies. And I wanted to do was scream, cry, scream, cry, scream, I wanted forgive you.
But my heart couldn't take anymore heartbreak. And so I left, following my Dad's footsteps. I was selfish, lost, and confused. And for that I am sorry, beloved, because I am telling you now that I am fine, fine, fine. I am fine. Perfectly fine. I wanted to tell you that I am perfectly safe and I hope you have moved on, moved on from me - just like everybody else did.
I am fine.
I am not fine. Help me, beloved, take me away from these nightmares, from these memories.
I NEVER NEEDED YOU LIKE I DO RIGHT NOW! So save me, save me, save me, save me, but don't save me, save me, save me, save me.
Don't. Save. Me.
Your beloved heart,
Ellis
