For those who have been through heartbreak...<3
I once cared, nurtured, loved. But it was an entirely different reason as to what he had thought. We were the total opposites, Where I hid my emotions, he expressed them. Where I was an angel he was the devil. Where I was loved, he was hated.
Yet, I fell, I fell so damn hard that I couldn't rise and rid myself of the unusual feelings. I fell head over heels with the man I wished to have a future with, I fell so in love he was the only one I saw. And in my eyes - The experience was a beautiful, exotic yet desperate thing that I had no control over.
And for that I'm sorry, because I thought we were perfect for each other...I couldn't have been more wrong. You thought of me as another girl, another one of them, If only I could've expressed to you how real my feelings were, If only you gave me a chance.
But I watched, heartbroken, as you fell, head over heels, for another girl. A girl that wasn't me. Was it because she was new and beautiful? Was it because she didn't have my name? Was it because she wasn't me? I realised then, that I was wrong, wrong for falling in love with a notorious bad boy, but I had no other choice - my heart had already been stolen before I had even realised why butterflies erupted in my stomach when you smiled or laughed. My heart had already been stolen that when you slept with another girl, I felt my heart shatter into a million of pieces, pieces only you could mend. My heart had already been broken now all I wanted was you.
I wonder, how are you feeling now, my beloved? How do you feel when realising that that girl is not me? Are you happy? Is she still the girl you wish to remain with your whole life - even knowing she is not me.
She is not me, She has no humour and never laughs at your jokes.
She is not me, She never eats greasy takeout food, never stuffing her face.
She is not me, She wears revealing clothes that always shows.
She doesn't love you, not the way I used to.
But you didn't seem to care, at least that's what you showed. Until one day - You burst through my door, acting drunk yet sober at the same time, and you kissed me, touched me, I felt like I was on cloud nine, they way you whispered my name and held onto my cheeks as you stared lovingly into my broken eyes.
I was happy, excited even, the next day I had a story planned in my head, I would run over to you a massive grin on my face as you held onto me with so much force, almost as if you were scared of letting go.
I couldn't have been wrong.
I entered looking around longingly, ignoring the weird stares I had received from on-goers, until I saw you. Looking beautiful an innocent flawless smile perched onto your lips, but what had me in tears was the fact that you weren't smiling at me - But at her.
And I ran and ran and ran and ran.
I ran so hard through my tears that by the end I had seemed to be in a train station, what signal the one above was giving me was so clear yet I was scared.
I had cared, nurtured and loved you. But you threw it back into my face. You looked the other way as I desperately made up excuses as to why.
But it was because you never loved me. Never assumed my body or face was anything beautiful. And I had stupidly, idiotically, rationally, admittedly thought you were my one. My man. My life. My whole world.
I guess I was wrong.
And with that thought, with that one sentence. I stormed away, I would not show any weakness, I was not weak, I was not afraid.
And so I hid my feelings, hid my non ending affection that I had wished would go away.
And eventually they did, and I fell in love with someone else, someone that wasn't you - someone that deserved a piece of my heart.
And I watched as you stormed off, angry for not being the one in my life.
You watched as I fell in love again with the man that was surely meant for me.
And I was happy, happier than I had ever been before.
And yet I wished the best for you, because even though you was an arrogant, self concerned asshole, you were once the centre of my world. And for that I applaud you because without you - I wouldn't have become what I was today.
So curse you, Mr arrogant jackass for letting me down, but thank you for mending me into what was truly me.
Something I was happy with.
