bullies, fame and tattoos ; luke hemmings

high school [5]

|| e m i l y ||

"mom? dad?"

in front of me were these 2 people that sort of resembled my parents but they couldn't be my parents. both of them were so pale and looked like all their life was drained out of them. and it's probably because they did.

"hi em." they say in an eerie synchronisation for people in a hospital. both of their voices hoarse and barely audible, the air conditioning of the room able to carry their voices away from who needed to hear it the most.

i thought they were in an accident and had to be put into ICU after surgery or something hung. i thought the needle in their wrists were just drips to keep them healthy and sustain them without the need of swallowing any liquids.

but after closer inspection of the drips, i see it say morphine.

this isn't helping to keep my parents alive. this is killing my parents. but i knew it wasn't just an accident.

they were being euthanised, without my knowing.

"it's killing you! why are you doing this!" i yell, trying to yank the chord out of my dad's arm but he slowly holds my hand and places it out of the way so that i don't cause too much damage. his hands were freezing cold, just as cold as i my heart felt when they didn't tell me about their passing.

"sweetie." my dad sighs, barely able to say the words before a hoarse cough leaves his throat, sounding extremely painful and not looking any better. blood trickling down the side of his lips.

"i'll explain." a nurse from behind volunteers, taking me into her arms and guiding me out of the room.

"i've been given nothing but bullshit woman. i want answers." i say, crossing my arms and tapping my foot with an impatient look on my face.

"look, there's no easy way to say this so i'll just tell you up front. don't tell me i didn't warn you and if you have questions please ask." she explains, with me sending we a nod, signalling that i understood her conditions and am willing to agree.

"your mum has AIDs and your dad has creutzfeldt-jakob disease. both of which they would've died from eventually."

my mouth drops. i didn't know what the hell the second disease was, the one my dad had, but it sure as hell didn't sound good. as for my mom, AIDs is something i definitely knew about and something i knew was serious. i couldn't believe she didn't tell me.

"what's that jacob disease my dad has? i thought he was deployed in afghanistan?" i ask, strangely calmer than i thought i'd be.

"creutzfeldt-jakob disease. he's been in intensive care for a while sweetie. it's a debilitating disorder that affects the central nervous system. basically, it attacks brain cells, covering the brain with holes to the extent that the patient's brain is unable to process data and send signals to the heart. leading to death. there's no cure and death occurs a year after initial symptoms."

"how long have they known about this?" i was intrigued and angry at the same time. i wanted to know more and explore the disease. but i think thy drive comes from the fact that i just discovered both my parents have terminal illnesses and are being euthanised.

god, i will never get over that.

"i thought they would've told you. but guessing from the initial shock and the thought that your dad's in afghanistan probably means they kept it a secret. they've known for nearly 4 months."

i have been in the dark for 4 months.

my parents have been slowly dying for 4 months.

they have been in crippling pain for 4 months.

and they had 4 months to tell me. but we all know how that turned out.

"and how long do they have to live?"

"ehh... 10 minutes."

i was livid before. at my parents for not telling me and for my aunt and principle thinking that i couldn't handle such news.

but the fact that they decide to euthanise themselves and not tell me until they were 10 minutes from death was infuriating. but i knew i couldn't be mad now. i had to make the most out of the last 10 minutes i will have with my parents.

i wanted to be mad. i wanted to yell and scream at anyone in my way.

but i couldn't get myself to.

the loneliness i felt was numbing. it was like my heart just turned to stone. i couldn't bare to see them again in such a state.

i was angered, confused, stressed and frustrated all at the same time.

"what happens after?"

"by law, you'll have to be staying with your aunt jessalyn for the next few years until you turn 18, the funeral is next week wednesday and all of their inheritance like the houses your parents own and their net worth will be deposited into a bank account under your name."

the amount of detail she was able to tell me about my life after this death was not exactly comforting. it was like they've been planning their deaths for months now.

well, now thinking of it, they probably have.

to put my whole speech simply, i just couldn't believe it. i'd find it easier to believe that the lochness monster was my long lost cousin and nargles actually exist.

"tell my parents that i love them and that i said goodbye. i can't face them right now." I tell the nurse, before turning around and bolting straight for the exit.